I spent all day Saturday with my cousins, five and eight. Both boys and both very smart. They also both have more energy than fifteen puppies on speed. We biked, hiked, walked the dog, played at the park, played basketball, drew pictures and put a puzzle together. I was pretty proud of my ability to entertain them, until I realized it was only noon.
Kids are exhausting, obviously. One of the most tiring qualities of all is the two million questions they have about everything. The most popular is “why?”, which comes in many forms. There’s “why not?” and “why should I?” And, of course, the ever familiar from my own childhood, “whhhhhhhyyyyyyyy?” followed by stomping and pouting.
The day was filled with these little questions:
Boy of 8: I’m getting bored on these little rocks. Why can’t we climb on those bigger rocks?
Me: Because you have to have special equipment to climb those and we don’t have any equipment.
Boy of 8: But those people are doing it, why can’t we?
Me: Because we don’t break the law.
Boy of 8: Dang! Stupid laws!
___________
Me: Get your shoes on.
Boy of 5: Why?
Me: Because we’re going outside. Get your shoes on.
Boy of 5: Ummm, hello, you can go outside without shoes. Duh!
Boy of 8: Yeah, there’s no law.
Grrrr.
___________
Me: Shoot baskets so I can take your picture.
Boy of 8: Why do you want a picture of it?
Me: So I can remember what a good basketball player you are.
Boy of 8: You won’t have to remember when I’m on T.V.
Me: Okay, Jordan, shoot the ball.
Boy of 8: Who’s Jordan?
Me: Oh dear God.
___________
Boy of 5: Why can’t we listen to the radio?
Me: We can! What kind of music do you like?
Boys in unison: Everything!
Me: Okay, here, listen, this is a good one. It’s The Eagles.
Boy of 8: Who are The Eagles?
___________
Boy of 5: Do you have kids?
Me: No.
Boy of 5: I think you do have them.
Me: If I had kids, don’t you think you would have met them?
Boy of 5: Maybe you keep them in the closet (hehehe). Do you keep your kids in the closet?
Me: Hmmm, do you think I keep kids in the closet?
Boy of 5: Yes, I bet you do. But why would you put them in the closet?
Me: Because they wouldn’t quit asking “Why?”
Boy of 5: Oh.
__________
And that, friends, is a little thing I like to call birth control.
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