I feel a little silly. Here I’ve been sitting and wondering why I can’t get things organized in my head lately and today, on my long, long walk it occurred to me that I just haven’t been giving myself enough time to clear my head. Usually, it’s I run, therefore I think. Now, I’m not running, therefore, I’m not thinking.
Sort of.
As the knee has yet to handle anything more than fast-paced walk (very, very fast. If you saw me out of the corner of your eye, you might actually think I was running but no, I’m just walking. Very fast.) it’s become my new obsession. I must always have at least one physical obsession, you know.
I’ve been kept from running lately and as a result, the time I’ve had to spend alone with my thoughts has been minimal, too. I’ve had this curiosity about me, like there’s something I need to know but I’m not quite sure how to go about figuring it out. Even more, I’ve felt like something is keeping me from figuring it out. It’s like the time my sister considered dating the odd boy that lived up the block who spoke in a language he’d created himself and offered more than once to carve our bushes into Star Wars characters. Soon enough it will make sense but now, I just want to know why?
It’s also occurred to me how much I’d miss this time if I weren’t able to run any more. Though my doctors and I agree that we’ll figure this out, I can’t help but think the worst. There’s so many more things that running allows me than just running. The time to think is only the beginning. I wouldn’t have the energy I get from a good run. I wouldn’t have the good pain of pushing through the last mile. I wouldn’t be able to eat key lime pie like it’s its own food group. It wouldn’t get to travel to races and meet new friends. It would be really tough for me to get through a bad day, a difficult decision or a break up if I couldn’t clear my head a little on a run. Obviously, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I would just really, really have to learn a new way of life. And I’m really, really not willing to do that right now. So I walk.
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