Somewhere in the last year or so, I’ve stopped using phrases like “when this happens, then I’ll do that” or “wait for _____ and then _____ will be easier.” It just doesn’t make sense any more. Sure, there are limitations- like the bank account and time, just to name a couple- but overall, I find myself no longer creating conditions around my life.
I think part of this is because I’ve accepted that being a dreamer is always going to be who I am. Not the head-in-the-clouds, unrealistic dreamer, but I will always want some part of my life to be challenging. I know I’ll always struggle (things like furthering education, dating and knee injuries come to mind) but I also know that I won’t stop working toward more.
At first, I questioned myself. Am I unsatisfiable? Am I impossible to please?
No.
I’m happy. Thrilled, in fact. There’s so much I feel blessed to have and be that putting it into words feels nearly impossible. But there’s still a need for more. I think what I had to realize is that happiness does not equal static. It’s not an anchor, it’s a good wind.
Somewhere along the line, I had taught myself that guilt was related to wanting more. But I just don’t find myself believing that anymore. Now, I feel like I owe it to myself. And to sound ridiculously cliche, I owe it to everyone else, too- the world, really. It’s not wrong to want more. If I’m not fulfilling my potential in the best way I can, that is what I’m doing wrong.
Being a wannabe is a good thing.
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