There are fifteen pool tables in this place and probably fifty people. I don’t think it was me dropping my napkin on the floor that caused your bad shot.
Sorry, that’s just how I rationalize.
(It should be noted the accuser is a friend of mine, not a date.)
Last weekend, my mother ran into some old classmates from high school. Never having been the Keep Up With The Joneses type, she tends to brag endlessly about her children without regard for the perceptions or beliefs of others; even to those with doctor sons and magazine editor daughters. She’s very happy your son saves the vision of orphans in third world countries, but did you know her daughter “gets paid ridiculously for sitting in front of a computer?!” It’s true what they say, about mothers seeing only good.
I thought about this the day I finally decided to try the online thing. It sort of feels like a competition. A competition with people you’ll never meet. I’m no good at this. Sure, there’s a brain surgeon that models Hooters t-shirts on the side but did you know I can run slowly and read code? Honestly, who could resist me?
But a competition, it is not. I know I gave the impression that a day of stir-crazy boredom and cruel temperatures drove me to the “scary” world of online personal ads, but that’s not the entire picture. Some of you know I’ve been thinking about this for a while, because I asked for your opinions (thanks, by the way- to those I know in real life and to those only by blog). So instead of making assumptions and listing reasons why it wasn’t right, I could do something new and sign up. Now, I may be right, I may be wrong, but at least I’ll have tried.
Also, it makes sense to have crossed the bridge before you go doubting the potential of what’s on the other side.
I believe Mean Emailer (I’m getting one on nearly every post these days) said it best: Good. Get dating and find someone. I’m sick of reading about all the reasons this guy or that guy just isn’t right. Just don’t completely lose touch with reality. I cant stand one more psycho dating blog.
Precisely, Mean Emailer. Me too. But I’m a little more optimistic than that. I don’t just want to stop writing about the wrong people, because Heaven knows I have met them, I have this silly idea in my head that one day I’ll be able to write about something that’s right. And don’t worry, I won’t go losing touch with reality. I know what’s right for me, as I always have. If I forget, I’ll just ask my mother.
Yesterday morning, I returned from a very torturous eighteen mile run. It was so hard, I spent the better part of the last half looking for the giant cement blocks tied to my legs a la sleeping with the fishes.
After I spent twenty minutes crying, trying to remember why I’m doing this, I sat on the floor of the shower -I couldn’t stand but more so because of the light headedness and less the legs- and tried to think of the people I could call for some sympathy and/or advice.
I have a lot of runner friends and while that’s always a great source of inspiration I more wanted to whine than anything. So, I called my sister.
She answered and I went right into my pity party. “Why am I doing this, ” I asked?
She didn’t know. A few seconds of silence passed and then she said “I know! Get over to Grandma’s house now. I just talked to her and she has cinnamon rolls. Go eat some!”
And so I went and ate 18 miles worth of cinnamon rolls and didn’t feel one ounce of guilt.
The simplest solutions are often the best.
When most of your city is snowed in, you have extra time.* You might clean your closet. You might work. You might realize your electricity has gone out and you no longer have heat. You might start to get a little cold and then you might remember you can actually do something with your hands other than type. So you might make a fire.
Sure, it’s pretty simple but you were never a boy scout, or a girl scout, for that matter, so it takes a while. But you get it going, and your house is warm again.
You read a book. You take a nap. You have silence, but you might not be entirely comfortable with it. Time to think isn’t something that you’ve had a lot of lately. And now it’s all you have. Or maybe all you can’t ignore.
So you think, but not about anything in particular. You remember warmer places you’ve been, trying to fool yourself into believing you don’t live in Colorado.
You close your eyes and think of warm sand and gentle waves.
Or maybe you make a grocery list and clean the bathroom by candlelight. Cleaning is a good way to stay warm.
Eventually, though, your mind drifts again. Like back to last Sunday afternoon when you were at home, folding laundry, with football on the t.v. and you thought to yourself “this is really nice.” Except, when you walked down the hall to put towels in the closet, you told yourself it was sure nice, but something was still missing. Your mind wandered then, as it does now, and you realize there are just some things about you that can’t be denied.
And when that get’s old, you open a bottle of wine and sit by the fire. Soon the electricity returns and you realize your house has been at a balmy 56 degrees (F) for a few hours. Should have opened the wine sooner.
So you enjoy your wine, watch some mindless television and wander around your house a little. You check your email, chat with your mom and revel in the beauty of a working furnace.
Then, you create a profile on an online dating site because when it comes to finding ways to stay warm, you just never know.
* A LOT of people worked today and had absolutely no extra time to think, muchless stay warm. I appreciate that and I take electricity for granted way too much.
This is a really tough day for me. It’s 28 degrees (F) and snowing. Blizzarding, to be exact.
And I’m freezing. And you know how I feel about that.
I have a list of things running through my head that I could do:
Watch movies
Clean
Write my article that’s due next week
Work
Sleep
Organize the pantry
Laundry
Read
But none of those seem particularly interesting. The only thing I’d really like to do is catch the next plane out of here. But good luck finding a flight to take off anywhere in this mess.
If you were stuck in a blizzard right now, what would you do?
It was nearly 8:00 p.m. I’d been up since 5:00 a.m. I was up late the night before. I’d been taken to lunch, and dinner. I’d had two beers. It was a long, busy day, they have all been lately. One have-to-do turns into the next. But I had to run. I had to.
Because I felt fat.
Because I felt unsettled.
Because I needed to hear my own feet under me.
Because I needed to hear my own breath.
Because I needed to be outside.
Because there’s a blizzard coming tonight.
Because I don’t want to fall behind in training.
Because I want to set an example.
Because I want to feel good.
Because I like the sound of the leaves on the ground beneath me.
Because I am training without a partner for the first time.
Because running between the shadows makes me feel adventurous.
Because I don’t want to take it for granted.
Because my knee is finally comfortable on the downhill again.
Because Fall is as good as gone.
Because my life feels full.
Because sometimes I feel a little lonely.
Because I’ve figured so much out.
Because I still have a long way to go.
Because I need to relax.
Because I needed to get excited.
Because I didn’t need to wear gloves.
Because I run faster in the dark.
Because I’m quite certain that whatever it is I’m waiting on may never come.
Because five minutes later I remind myself that can’t be true.
Because I wanted to have fun.
Because I had pizza and ice cream and beer in the same night.
Because I have faith that I’m doing the best I can.
Because I want to work hard.
Because I have a name to live up to.
Because I never really know when I’ll get another chance.
