Yesterday, a friend of mine shared that she’d had a bad run. “It was eight miles of sheer pain and torture,” she said, “I hated every step and cried through the last three miles. I’m tired of running, I’m tired of sweating, I’m tired of working hard all the time and not getting faster. I’m tired of stinking, tired of thinking about what I eat to fuel a run, I’m tired of the laundry from all the dirty running clothes. I’m just tired of it.”
Anyone who’s been running or training for anything physical for a length of time will tell you, this sounds like burn out. So we talked about that. We talked about how hard you work, how it seems the real, tangible rewards don’t always follow and whether or not it’s worth it. In her case, she just needs a break. A full week off running will likely be her cure. I know a week doesn’t seem like much but to a runner, it can be an eternity. For her, it’ll be just the time she needs to remember why she loves it so much. Even lovers need a holiday, as the song says.
As we talked, we got deep into the subject of why you’d come back to something that caused pain. Why, as intelligent people, do we want to push ourselves harder? Why do we want to keep trying? Why do we want to do better? And why, some days above all else, would we want more laundry?
The answer is both simple and not. The easy answer, the one I hear runners give a lot is because. What’s not simple is that so much follows that “because.” It’s physical, it’s mental, it’s spiritual. It involves vanity, it involves obsession, it involves euphoria. It involves taking advantage of life, of moments and of possibilities. It means giving, it means taking, and it means sharing. For a runner, there’s truly nothing like it.
“How do you keep going?”
I didn’t expect that question. I hate those questions. I am a “because” person. I can’t narrow it down. I’m also a Libra; we can’t pick just a reason, right? But she needed an answer, and really, I did too. So I thought for a while. And we talked more, about mundane running things, like shoes (my current favorite is the Asics Gel Cumulus, by the way) and Injini’s while I thought. I asked her if I could think about it for a while, which came as a shock to both of us. Rare is it I don’t have the right words to say, not to mention no words at all when it comes to running. I mean, I could sell the sport of running to a fish! But just then, the question struck me and I wanted to think about it.
After turning thoughts over in my head for a while, I thought about what really keeps me going. Why am I out there? What would I want someone to say to me?
Later, I sent her an email:
Well, you asked why I run, or more so, why I keep going. I can’t say I can give you a definitive answer, but here’s what I think right now. Do you remember days in your life when you’ve gotten a particular compliment, or had great success? Do you remember days when maybe you’ve won something or were awarded something? You know the days when you’ve been with people you love, and you’re overwhelmed by how good it feels? I do. I remember all of that, all those feelings. You’re in a magical state, on top of the world, right? And when I think about those moments, I’m always brought back to the fact that they would have been nothing without the help of others. It was others who helped me, supported me and worked for me when I needed it. Running reminds me that all of those moments, all of those feelings are within me.
I know you and I are social runners. I know we enjoy the camaraderie with others and I don’t believe I’d ever trade that. But running, at the end, is just you. It’s your mind and body pushing you and holding onto all those reasons we give ourselves to keep going. At it’s most basic foundation, it’s about what you alone can do. You’re going through pain, training, emotions and you stink (literally) but you know, somewhere, sometime, that feeling is going to come along. That feeling of happiness, pride, relief or the culmination of all of those and you know how good it’s going to feel. It might not be soon, and it might not be often but it’s out there, waiting for you to come around again. And when you do, it’s going to be because YOU got out there on the road, and YOU put in the work and you, alone, told yourself that you could.
Your running, my friend, I know wouldn’t be the same without the right shoes, a day of good weather and supportive family and friends. But most of all, it wouldn’t be the same, it wouldn’t even exist, without you! Remember that, because it’s all coming from you.
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