It’s no secret, I’m preoccupied.

But you all? You are fabulous. You send me emails on running articles. You make comments on posts from a week ago. You say “10 miles!” like it’s great even though you ran twice that before breakfast today. You’re awesome.

And me, well I don’t know who I think I am but I think I’m going to try something. How about a Q and A?

I am quite sure I’m thinking much too much of myself to assume that someone may have a question of little ol’ anonymous me, but still, it’s possible. Anything is possible.

So, if you find yourself bored to the point where you have nothing to do but you don’t want to resort to Googling yourself (just like you did yesterday), then please, ask me a question. Which I will answer, if I want to.

Also, if this totally bombs, please still be my friend.

Well, I am finally doing it. I’ve been encouraged by a lot of you and your “100 things” and really, I didn’t think I could do it and we all know how I love to prove myself wrong.

Here are my one hundred things, for no particular reason or occasion. In no particular order.

1. I make up recipes as I go along. Often.
2. I let my dog sleep in the bed on cold nights.
3. I am not into diamonds.
4. I am into beaches.
5. My superficial yet totally possible idea of Heaven consists of a buffet full of foods adorned with bacon.
6. I drink Arnold Palmers in the summertime. Sometimes at golf courses. I don’t golf.
7. I consider myself to be deeply spiritual, even if I don’t talk about it all the time.
8. An early October football game is about as much fun as anything I can think of. Especially if you tailgate.
9. Sometimes I want to go where no one knows me.
10. Sometimes I want to go where everyone knows me.

11. When I’m in the mood, I love talking on the phone. I’m afraid this bores people.
12. I want to eat ice cream for breakfast most days. I never have.
13. I send too many emails.
14. I just learned how to text message three days ago. I’m afraid to admit how much I love it.
15. I wish I were good enough a runner to compete. I just want to see how that speed feels.
16. I want better abs.
17. I’ve always liked my non-saggy rear.
18. My dog is the cutest dog I know.
19. No one has ever made me a mixed tape.
20. Tulips are my favorite flower. But I adore lilacs, too.

21. I’m afraid of never getting to fall in love again.
22. I would choose an apple over any other fruit.
23. I was born October 23, 1979.
24. I am not afraid of getting older.
25. I sweat like a beast when I run. But I sort of like being covered in salt at the end.
26. I think my hips are too wide.
27. I worked at a veterinary clinic for 5 years. That has been one of the best educations of my life.
28. I like to bake cookies on cold winter days.
29. I am an awful snowboarder. Awful.
30. I am not easily bought.

31. I love chai tea enough to marry it.
32. I could listen to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” any time of year.
33. I have been known to quote Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. As recently as yesterday.
34. I want to read more books.
35. I want to learn to play the piano. Still.
36. I do not believe I am at all photogenic. I hate the sight and sound of myself on video even more.
37. I used to practice dancing with my mom. She was the first person to teach me to two-step. I have since faked not knowing how for a date. It was cute, I think.
38. I think when you feel something, you should say it. Especially if it’s a nice thing about someone else.
39. I have broken up about as equally as I’ve been broken up with.

40. Though I’m not sure I’ll ever have kids, sometimes I imagine myself pregnant.
41. I am jealous of people with immaculate houses.
42. I stare at people I think are beautiful.
43. I am a lightweight when it comes to drinking alcohol. I prefer to call it cheap date- but not in the scandalous sense.
44. I admire happy women. Mostly because there is strength in finding that happiness.
45. I have been known to get excited about good socks.
46. My feet are like ice cubes in bed.
47. I am almost always cold.
48. I don’t like lipstick. Lip gloss is cool, though.
49. I like planting flowers. I had a job once where I was paid to do this. It was sweet!

50. I want to fall asleep in front of a campfire more often than I have in the past.
51. I wish salad tasted the same as cheeseburgers.
52. I make a great stuffed salmon.
52. I wish my hair had more natural wave.
53. My mom makes me proud.
54. I hate cleaning the bathroom. Should I ever get married, and my husband cleans the bathroom, I will feel like the luckiest woman on Earth.
55. I adore vacuuming.
56. I talk to dogs I see when I’m out on a run. I also wave to all other runners, even if they don’t.
57. I once slid on sand while riding my bike and nearly wet my pants. I wish I were kidding.
58. I have been known to wake myself up while talking in my sleep.
59. I have shoplifted. From the drugstore, when I was a kid. I still feel guilty.

60. I used to babysit a lot as a teenager. Once, I was having a bad day and was extra mean to a little girl for being a brat. I still feel guilty about this, too. I sometimes use incidents like this to explain to myself why I’m single. Karma, or something.
61. I realize how ridiculous that may sound.
62. I lived on ramen, oatmeal and orange juice for eight weeks in college once. I guess there was also beer.
63. If I could close my eyes and wind up anywhere, I’d be sitting on the bow of a boat in the Caribbean. Ten minutes of that every morning might solve every problem I believe I have.
64. I cannot stand smoking.
65. I do not like chocolate. At all. None of it.
66. I like surprises.
67. I can’t wait for the rest of my life.
68. I like cats, but I don’t think I’ll ever own one again.
69. I want to paint my house, especially the bathroom.

70. I took Spanish for six years. I can successfully find a taxi, the bathroom and beer when in Mexico.
71. I am super good at the first round of Jeopardy. The second knocks me right back into my place.
72. I feel like, on any given day, my life is about 85% of exactly what I want.
73. I wish I could ride in clip less pedals with a little more grace.
74. I have a conch shell in my house. They are good luck. It was a gift from my mother.
75. I notice teeth before almost anything else when meeting someone.
76. I think I’d make a terrible waitress.
77. I think I’d make an excellent bartender.
78. I think kindness is sexy.
79. A few of my favorite songs are: Come Monday, You Don’t Know Me, and Moon River. I realize this dates me more than it ought to. I don’t care.

80. I’d like to own a ‘56 Corvette. I wrote my senior thesis on the Corvette.
81. My name has been published in three books.
82. I graduated Cum Laude. No one has ever asked me about this, even once. I’m convinced it was only ever about the yellow rope around your neck at graduation.
83. I have to drink watered down Gatorade when I run. The sugar will otherwise cause one of two things, neither at all pleasant.
84. Puppies and babies make me tear up.
85. I can sleep anywhere.
86. One of my proudest moments in life was buying my first house. I have outgrown it in less than four years.
87. My sister is one of the best people I will ever know.
88. My grandmother is one of the best people anyone will ever know.
89. I like music more than any television show I’ve ever seen.

90. I rarely watch the local news.
91. I love hockey.
92. I want to wear flip flops every day.
93. Except for the days I wear boots.
94. I am afraid of getting car jacked. Almost irrationally.
95. I sometimes slack at work. I feel guilty later and end up working more.
96. I’d like to be a stronger swimmer.
97. I sometimes get upset when someone doesn’t return my email within a day.
98. I used to be overly concerned with underwear matching clothes. Now I’m just excited when the laundry is clean.
99. I have had stitches four times. Three of those in my head.
100. I remember the names of every teacher I’ve ever had. No one has ever asked me about this, either.
101. I like to push things further than I need to.

In my head, I’ve started this post a hundred times. I’ve thought of things I want to include, things that have happened that pertain to exactly what I want to write about but I just can’t formulate anything. It’s always surprising to me how I can put words to some things so easily and others, it’s so much more difficult.

In less than a week, my sister and nephew will be here to stay for a couple weeks. As usual, I cannot wait. And as usual, I look forward to the feeling of a fuller house. Through my years of living alone, I’ve realized a few things. I’m good at it, I enjoy it, I even take advantage of it. But one thing is for sure, I’m not made for it. I have Full House Syndrome.

Last weekend, on my trip, I realized this again. My friends and I rented a house for the trip and though it wasn’t mine and it was all temporary, the feeling I get when sharing living space with people is one that I truly enjoy. It fulfills me in a way that nothing else can. Though my alone time will always be important, no amount of solitude, quiet, or communing with silence will replace the reassurance I get, the peace I feel, when I’m coexisting with others. The feeling of cooking in the kitchen as you overhear someone in the other room is a kind of calm I don’t have words to describe. Just the knowledge of their presence is enough for me. It’s a whole, nurturing feeling. One of relaxation, comfort and home.

It’s taken me a while to get here. Since I stopped living with roommates, six months out of college, I was bound and determined to make the most of my solo venture. “I will hang a photo on whatever wall I please!” (And I did.) “I will leave my shoes by the door!” (And I do.) “I will leave dirty dishes in the sink whenever I want!” (Yeah, right, not going to happen.) Because that’s what I thought independence was all about. I thought it was about doing what I want, when I wanted, for whatever amount of time I wanted and damn it if I wasn’t going to enjoy it.

Well, I have enjoyed it. I realize the importance of being alone, of making all your decisions and knowing they generally only affect you. There is no replacement for the knowledge I’ve gained and the growth I’ve accomplished (and will continue to accomplish) on my own. But it’s not completely me. It’s not all of my make-up, not my entire person. No matter how many nails I hammer into the wall on my own, there’s always that part of me that will want others near by. I can’t imagine feeling life completely any other way.

That sense of another’s presence, of their laugh on the phone, even if they’re talking to someone else. That sound of lives, intertwined. I know it’s not a perfect world, I know there are hard times, times you might wish there was silence. But when you finally get that quiet, and have spent enough time in that perspective, you realize that it’s not where you thrive. It’s not what recharges you. So in the meantime, until you get that full house of your very own, you learn to get by on temporary fixes. Friends, sisters, nephews, and whatever else you can get will see you through. It has to, it’s how you’re made.

I’ll never get used to coming back from a trip. I’d like to say I’m the exact same person when I’m sitting in front of this screen as I am when I traipse down a beach (even if I’m in multiple layers of clothing) but I’m not.

The person traipsing down the beach has worries and troubles, just like the one in front of this screen. The difference is, while I’m away, traipsing down a beach, everything seems a little more possible. When I’m laughing and running with friends, the responsibilities of life are just that. They don’t weigh on me, they don’t keep me up nights, they certainly don’t call after I’ve left the office and ask what drive I stored a file on (even though I sent an email stating that exact fact). They just fade a little.

Now, sitting here, everything just seems a little more heavy and a lot more there. The dates to keep, the bills to pay, the conversations I have to have but don’t want to are all here, right in front of my face. They scream “you can’t ignore us now! haha!” And all I want to do is close my eyes and take myself back mere hours to a time when I could concentrate on something else. Where decisions didn’t have to be made and life seemed pressure less. Where I seemed confident and fearless.

And maybe that’s what I miss the most. I miss the girl that lives, for a few days, like she has no cares. (Sidebar: I don’t really know if that’s the right approach, though. After all, I did get a speeding ticket and that is definitely something to care about.) I know that’s always in me, but you tell me when you see a bill staring you in the face for carpet replacement that you feel as good as when you’re eating ice cream and staring out at the ocean. It is not the same.

Of course we all know that. We all know there are ups and downs, good and bad and I think I’m good at that. I think I can take a break and fully enjoy it. I think I can write a check for a bill and well, not enjoy it but at the very least, take it for what it is. The area that needs work? Getting used to living with both. My mind believes it. My brain understands it. My heart, and the kid in me, want to lay on the floor and flail around and whine that it’s just not fair!

Part of me, somewhere between my heart and mind, between the whiner and the logical thinker knows that’s just how it is. That’s vacation. That’s friends. That’s running. It’s all as it’s supposed to be, even if paying bills sucks.

You can recover from an injury and train for a race and complete it, even if you don’t completely believe you can.

You cannot use curse words. You can get a $50 fine (I did not).

You cannot speed on the highways, even by a few miles. You can get a ticket (I did).

You can hang out with friends for five days and it can feel like five minutes.

You can see snow at the beach.

You can drink beer after a race and never really know if you’re pronouncing it’s name correctly. (Yuengling; which, by the way, is made (I believe) in the home town of the fabulous Bre.)

You can spend five hours in a car with someone and not stop talking the entire time.

You can walk with your friends arm-in-arm to the starting line to keep warm, and then run off into the sunrise.

You can get over your fear of hot tubs.

You can eat and drink more in five days than you have in the last two months.

You can realize how great it is to have people that tell you you look nice. Every day.

You can be reminded how much you truly adore someone opening a door for you.

You can realize that renting a house with stairs is not a good idea for marathon weekend.

You can be lucky enough to witness someone making great changes in their life, and at the same time, see you have the power to do the same in your own.

In one of those forward emails recently, it was some kind of survey where you’d answer a set of questions and send it back to your friends. Somehow they might know more about you, like what your favorite kind of bread is and your favorite movie line (12 grain and any line from Say Anything, FYI). One of the questions, though, went a little deeper: What is your favorite sound?

Knee-jerk reaction might be to say waves lapping on the shore, the sound of children playing or maybe the voice of someone very special. I thought about this today, as I sit in a comfortable place, with a view of the ocean outside and a view of a group of friends inside, a break from reality and a little relaxation and I think really, my favorite sound might just be life. No one part but rather all the things that make up the whole. A ceiling fan turning, a song on the radio, the joke of a friend, the snoring of another, all happening at once and all reminding me that these are just moments that will never come again. Today, this moment, is merely fleeting. But the memory, the sound of life, it’s with me.

So tomorrow morning, when we head out for marathons and half marathons, I’ll hope to remember that. I’ll hope the sound of the footsteps on pavement, breath in the air and music flowing between each runner will be what I get out of the race. I have to remember it’s not about me this time, it’s not about my legs or my heart rate or my pace, it’s just about listening to life and remembering that we’re in it, not rehearsing it.

Well here I was all ready to sit down and write a post about how fantastic my run yesterday was. It was seventy-five degrees (I know!!) and sunny and hot hot hot and let me tell you, I just soak that stuff UP. Yes, sweat and all. There are few things in life that are really worth it if you don’t even break a sweat, right? I mean, there’s running, eating, drinking, laughing, kissing, singing in the car, dancing in the car- all a little better when it’s hot.

But back to why instead of writing about my run yesterday, I cannot. I’m all scatter-brained and, as my Grandmother would say, full of piss and vinegar. I’ve got a mere ten hours and counting until I have to have my butt in a coach class seat headed East and I haven’t packed a thing!

In those first two paragraphs, I got up twice to a) get a snack and b) get another snack. Heh. Clearly I’m in no shape to be all mushy and lyrical over my absolutely beautiful and sweaty run yesterday, right? And you might say it’s pre-race jitters but you know, I’ve never really had pre-race jitters. I only get nervous about two things before a race: that I won’t be able to go pee enough times before the starting gun goes off and therefore will ruin the whole thing from the start or, that I will forget something that’s important like Gu or Body Glide and then bonk and chafe- ouch! Other than that, I’m always good. I know, barring serious interruption, I’ll get myself across that finish line eventually so meh, whatever. I don’t freak out.

The little ball of energy I am now, rather, is pre-friend freak out. Pre Spring Break ‘07 freak out, actually. I’m just so excited to land in a different city, hop off a plane (with my luggage, please airline, please), and see my friends and hang out for a few days and deal with nothing consequential. The house we’ll be waking up to in the morning has an ocean view, a pool table and a hot tub. We’ve billed the trip as Spring Break ‘07: Like Spring Break ‘97 But a Lot Less Stupidity and a Lot More Money which I think is a good thing because instead of phrases like “dude, I am NEVER doing that again” it’ll be more like “dude, I am not even going to try, I have to run in the morning.” Those introspective walks on the beach will consist of thoughts like “are you taking that job offer in Toronto?” rather than the post-hangover pep talks of “yes, I swear he said he likes you! Who cares if he was kissing Beth, he wrote a song for you! He likes you!” As good as those days were, it’s sort of nice to know we won’t ever have to choose between drinks or food again.

I plan on packing the tech gear (dang, I am nerdalicious), mostly for picture downloading and sharing purposes, but as for blog posting, I don’t know what will happen. I’ll either be missing for a few days or updating with something like “You wouldn’t believe what Jeff did yesterday! At 8:00 he had one beer and then, an hour later, HE WENT TO BED. This trip is off da hook, y’all!”

Either way, all the best to all of you. Get out there and do some sweating.