“There’s something wrong with this.”
“What?”
“It just tastes like juice and nothing else.”
“Wow, that is wrong.”
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If you’ve got a few minutes, my friends are building a little place on a little hill. Check it out here. They have an awful view- I think they’re going to have a very hard time getting people to visit.
(Hopefully that link will work. If not, soon come.)
Thanks to Margo for the photo.
This afternoon, when packing my suitcase (hello, procrastination) I was trying on clothes just to make sure nothing fit weird or had holes in it or something else equally as likely to surprise me when I’m thousands of miles from home, or a Super Target. As I rolled things neatly into place in my bag, I came across a strange-looking wooden token. At first, I could not figure out where this might have come from or how it got into my tote. There was some lettering on it, but it was mostly rubbed off and looked like it had spent a lot of time in someone’s pocket.
I looked at the token, turned it over in my hand and searched every file in my mind about when and where I could have come across the thing. As it often does, my mind wandered, and I thought about all the traveling I’ve been able to do over the last year. I’ve been with friends and family, tasted new foods, stamped the passport, stood at the top of mountains and at the edge of the sea. I’ve run, I’ve been lazy, I’ve taken long drives down highways that were once only a place I’d read about. I’ve seen the sun rise in the East, set in the West and many places in between. I’ve met remarkable people, heard incredible stories and have been continuously reminded that being with people, talking with them, and connecting with them is an amazing privilege.
It is truly a small, small world and also, it is a blast. I have and have had more fun than anyone ought to be allowed. For all the reasons I feel confused or somehow lost, there are a thousand more to make me feel profoundly blessed and at peace. I can’t explain how the things in my life, like work, writing, running and travel balance me. To have the opportunity to be rewarded and challenged by the life you choose is a very special thing.
The last couple months have not painted a perfect picture. There has been death, anger, sadness, strife, bad news, worse news, and many an akward moment. I thought about this as I held that token in my hand today, and the memory came back to me. The token, at least as I’ve known it, was laying in a crack in the sidewalk as I trapsed in front of a small shop on a humid, sunny, perfect island day. In a quiet mood and waiting for dinnertime, I bent down to pick up the token. It ended up in the pocket of my shorts and a few days later, while on a boat docked in the Caribbean, the token fell out of my pocket and onto the ground.
“You dropped this,” said the man who’d been intently cleaning the boat.
“Oh, thanks. I have no idea what it is, I just picked it up the other day.”
“It looks like a token… I wonder what it will buy?”
We laughed a little, and joked a lot about what you could get “these days” for a token. We talked for a while but never seemed to come to any real conclusion, though I do remember laughing for a good twenty minutes about the hilarity of the word “squall.” (Say it a lot of times, you’ll laugh too.)
Though I still don’t know what that token was meant to buy, for me, today, it bought a memory. So I’ll take it with me on this trip, too. With any luck, it will buy a hundred more.
******************
I’ll be away for the next couple weeks doing the token Caribbean things: sitting, watching, sailing, snorkeling, thinking, breathing… you know. There is a chance, if I take advantage of some friends, that I’ll be able to post a bit while I’m away. I know that if I spend twenty minutes laughing about random weather terminology, my bloggie friends are going to want to know, right?
Heh.
So anyway, I’m off for now. Thanks for taking the time to come to my blog, both new and “old” alike. That human connection thing I was talking about earlier? Yeah, that includes you. And you… and yes, even YOU.
What I should be doing is getting this pile of paper off my desk. But what am I really doing? Reading your beautimous blogs.
What I should be doing is saving my money, paying off my car and putting even more money in a retirement account. But what am I really doing? Taking two weeks of vacation, visiting fabulous restaurants and looking at the real estate listings (who needs some huge down payment, anyway?).
What I should be doing is let my hair be it’s natural self, always wear hats in the sun and count every calorie that passes my lips. What am I really doing? Getting highlights (addicted), frolicking in the sun with merely SPF 20 (that’s good, right?), and eating pretty much everything that tastes good (not a lot of it, but yes, EVERYTHING).
What I should be doing is getting plenty of rest, sticking exactly to a good training schedule and and making sure to stretch on a regular basis. What I’m really doing is getting “enough” rest, running because it feels good (hello, 8:00 mile) and stopping when it feels bad, and well, of course I’m stretching. We all know I am, if nothing else, the Queen of Stretching.
The surprising part is, it’s all good anyway. Life can be pretty dang awesome that way. I saw this quote this morning:
“It’s wonderful what we can do if we’re always doing.” – George Washington, 1732-1799, First American President
Notice it doesn’t say it’s wonderful what we can do if we’re always following all the rules. It’s a good thing, because I’m clearly not built to follow all the rules.
…you know how you might have once done the online dating thing, and then like a month later you quit because you never had time to check email? Then, you went out with a few people and made some friends but never really dated anyone. Then, you really quit because you decided dating should not have to cost you money, at least not right now.
But even though you quit, the site keeps sending email to your Yahoo account because, apparently, they don’t care that you quit and they think that by sending you profiles of all men within a 50 mile radius is somehow going to lure you back in. And, that you’re going to pay something like $30 to communicate with people when, clearly, that is $30 you could be saving to spend on vacation.
But then, they send the emails anyway and because you’re curious and bored and, well, because you’re you, you open the email and look at your “matches” because hey, AT LEAST YOU KNOW THEY’RE OUT THERE. And then, one day when you’re doing this curious thing, you scan down the page and bam! you see the husband of your neighbor. And you think to yourself “hmmm, that’s strange” and you wonder if they’re separated or something. But then, no, you see them outside together and all is normal. Then, you strike up a conversation and still, nothing out of the ordinary is revealed.
So then, because you don’t know what to do, you wrestle about it in your mind: Should I say anything? It’s not my business, and all those kinds of thoughts. And really, you come to no conclusion because how is that even possible? Then, as if that weren’t enough, you lose all faith in online dating “matching” because dang, really? They really thought you and your married neighbor were a match? What the heck?
And then, not knowing what else to do, you go out with friends for $20 All-You-Can-Eat Crab Leg Night because what remedies this kind of strife better than seafood? And, you also have a beer.
Today is my nephew’s first birthday. It’s difficult to put into words how a kid, that’s not even your own, can change your life and teach you so many things, just by being born. I’m amazed at how fast this year has gone and even knowing that is just what happens, I am a little sad that time moves so ridiculously fast.
I know he’ll be five… fifteen… twenty in a blink. And while I don’t have the right words, I also can’t help but think of all the things I hope he will know some day.
_____________________
To a kid that’s taught me more about myself and my family in a year than I could have ever imagined.
For times when you think no one, especially your parents, knows anything and you can figure it all out on your own.
Have faith. You are who you’re meant to be.
Your mother is smart. Listen to her. Except when she’s singing, no one should have to listen to that.
Your dad is smart. Listen to him. Try to pay attention to what he doesn’t say, too.
Most good things have the potential to be bad things. Even sunshine and ice cream.
People are always going to call you cute. It runs in your family, sorry.
Don’t underestimate the value of good music.
You can be responsible without being afraid.
Hugging is not for sissies, it is for everyone. The same cannot be said for kissing.
You can change your attitude at any time. This will often be the only thing you have the power to change.
Food is good. So are drinks. However, refer to line #4 above.
Your family is not normal. No one else’s is, either. The only difference is, we’ll embarrass you without even trying.
And we give a lot of nicknames to things and people. This is normal, no matter what others might say.
Have fun. You can work hard and play hard. Sometimes all at once.
People talk a lot. Sometimes, they even have something to say. This is a nice way of saying you should listen to your aunt.
There’s always something to learn. Always.
When you find good things, find a way to keep them in your life. This applies to people and memories, especially.
There is something to be said for knowing how to manage your money.
There is nothing wrong with dreaming.
There is also nothing wrong with cheesecake.
Know when to shut up.
I love you.
In times of stress, I have been known to do silly things. And consider them to be completely normal.
I eat cereal for dinner, turkey sandwiches for breakfast and Starbucks for lunch. I wake up in the middle of the night and watch infomercials, I run outside, by myself, in the early hours of the morning and I sing in the car like no one can see me. In a moment’s notice, I’ve bought a house, booked a villa and jumped in the car on Friday night to go to Vegas for the weekend. And I’ve been so lucky, not once has any of these things turned out badly. Even the infomercials.
The thing that resonates most with all of this is that none of it is probably that silly after all. It’s just me, and how I do things. Which, perhaps, is why when agreeing to be on a team for the Wasatch Back Relay, I didn’t feel strange at all. I was all excited and psyched and ready.
Well, that was two months ago.
Now that it’s about six weeks away, I’m freaking out. I don’t know if I can be ready. I’m scared of running in the middle of the night. I don’t want to let my teammates down. I want to be able to rely on my body. I want to feel like this was not a stupidly insane choice and that my body (and mind) is capable of running three legs of a relay. I want to stop asking myself “what were you thinking when you agreed to this?” I just don’t know how.
Yeah, yeah, relax, breathe, follow the training plan, you’ll be fine. Yeah, okay. Thanks. But in case no one noticed, THIS IS A LOT BIGGER DEAL THAN CEREAL.
