I’ve coincidentally had the same conversation with three people today about the same thing. Feelings. Before, I get too far, let me just say, I am one of the most feeling-immersed people you could ever know. I cry for many reasons, sometimes all at once, I laugh hysterically when others have merely chuckled and I even get my feelings hurt by things I probably shouldn’t.
Nonetheless, I think we (I guess here is where I’d insert “as a society” so everyone would know who we are, but I don’t think we need that) are too into how we feel. I don’t feeeeeel like doing it, we say when we have to work. I don’t feel like you love me enough, we say to our significant others. I don’t feel that you understand me, we say to our friends. But you know what? Who cares?
Well yeah, we care, but I really don’t think we ought to so much. Who told you work or relationships or living was going to feel good all the time? Who told you you’d skip through your office door every morning feeling like you were the most appreciated person on Earth? Who told you meeting someone and loving them was going to feel right all the time? No one who isn’t a liar, that’s who.
I don’t like it. I don’t like that we’re teaching kids that hurt feelings is reason for retaliation. I don’t like that people can justify infidelity because they didn’t feel like they thought they should. I don’t like that we can sue a company because we felt objectified by a bad email. I think it’s all ridiculous. Of course there are exceptions, but that shouldn’t rule us. We’re governing ourselves with fear and complacency rather than integrity and responsibility.
I guess I could say I figured this out a couple years ago, but I don’t know as that would be accurate. As I said, I can still be a sensitive, woe-is-me-why-is-life-so-stinkin‘-unfair little baby. I know this. What I’ve found it more practical to do is not let it determine my action. Yes, you might argue love is a feeling and shouldn’t we let that determine action? Well, yes. But just feeling something doesn’t make it so. I can feel all day that I need to wash my car and I can feel bad that it’s dirty but until I drag out the hose, it’s gonna stay dirty. Same goes for work, for relationships and just about everything else. I can feel and feel and feel that someone has hurt me but until I decide to confront that, even if it’s just in my own mind, I will never get anywhere. You have to move forward eventually.
So I tell myself (and sometimes others), just stop. Stop letting how you feel cloud what’s right and wrong. Stop expecting that everything is supposed to feel good in order to heed good results. Stop acting like you have to be 100% in love with every emotion running through your little body just because it’s there. You don’t. Some things are going to disappoint you. Some things are going to be hard. Some people are going to try to make you feel bad. This is not maybe, this is definitely. And it is going to be difficult. It is going to weigh on you. You are going to struggle and be tempted to morph into a creature of anger or sadness or fear.
But even with that temptation, you can do the right thing anyway. You will not act because of the feelings, you will act in spite of them. And you will be reassured, you will be proud. Most of all, you will suffer less. Of this, I am certain.
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