So I was over at Dawn’s reading her most recent post about “soul mates.” Or, more accurately, belief in them (or not). I started typing and after I’d spit out a good four paragraphs, I decided it was worth it’s own post. Also, Dawn doesn’t need my dissertation on her blog. Well, at least not ANOTHER one. (I have no good reason for all those others, Dawn. Oops?)
Dawn said she’s “never been a big ’soul mate’ person” but wondered what others think. I, of course, had an opinion.
This may come as a surprise but I’m not a huge soul mate person, either. Additionally, I think choosing to initiate a committed relationship is more due to effort on the man’s part than the woman’s*. Okay, that might not have come out right but go with it for a minute. I think, because we are very different in the ways of commitment, that it really is about timing, especially for men.
You know that guy, the one who’d date everyone? He was nice but he’d never commit. He’d have the perfect girl and somehow, some where down the line, he’d find a reason to break up with her. Then, after all that, he’d begin dating a girl and be married within six months? I think it’s largely because HE was ready. My friends and I used to call this the “next girl wins” phenomenon. It wasn’t necessarily because she was his “soul mate,” it was because a) he was ready and b) they were compatible. That’s it.
Now, even typing this, I am a little weary. It all seems very mechanical and not at all romantic. But I think that’s why it’s so much more attributed to men (in general). It’s about logic, not butterflies and fireworks. I know the dudes like the butterflies and fireworks, but I think they see that as more of a given, or a “bonus” if you will. They’d rather know they’re ready and that they’re with someone who they can stand.
So part of me thinks this is encouraging, because what it all comes down to, for me anyway, is that I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. Someone who’s ready and is aware they’re at that point in their life. Call me crazy, but I like the idea that two people can decide to be together and then decide to put in the work it takes to make (and maintain) a good relationship.
Now, as Dawn asked, what do you think? Agree? Disagree?
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*This is assuming, of course, you’re addressing a male-female relationship, which we both were.