I have not ever been very good at counting out the miles in a run. I am better off not thinking about it. If I watch the miles tick by, it doesn’t feel as good as the “surprise” I get when I’m finished and think oh wow, ten miles. Nice. Lately, and part of this is because I’m preoccupied with thoughts of injury, I have had an especially hard time letting those miles go by. I can’t occupy myself for one mile, much less ten. If there ever was a “zone” to get into, I sure wouldn’t know it. I have Running Attention Deficit… Issues. It is not a disorder, oh no. A disorder implies that there is a reason for it. Issues, well issues are what we call it when you are THISCLOSE to jumping out of your own skin.
I woke up feeling like this. I woke up feeling like the day was already hovering over me. I walked out the door feeling like there was more to do than I could handle. I could safely say that right now, these days, I am so up to here I can barely stand it. So when it came time to run, getting my mind around it was difficult. I was one heavy sigh away from eating a cheeseburger, coming home, putting on my sweats, crawling into bed and gladly spending the next eleven hours in the dark. But I didn’t. Crawling into the dark isn’t who I was today. So I ran.
It was hard. I had to count the miles, and all the steps that made them up. I had to dedicate parts of those steps to all the things that I’d rather be doing. And all the things that I do not want to do. Mile one contained a lot of thoughts of my mother’s kitchen table, eating stuffed tomatoes and her letting me talk it all out, because I’ve done that before. Mile two was more about getting away, because when I get like this getting away is all I want to do. There is a beach with my name on it and here I am, working twelve hour days and studying for a mid-term. Mile three, or at least we’ll say mile three, was all about complaining. I get that way. Bratty. I want to complain because I’ve worked too hard, because I can’t find another way to say the same thing. Because NO ONE GETS ME. Let’s be honest, mile four was a lot about that, too.
But then, mile four was over.
None of it is gone, really. I still want the cheeseburger, I still want my piece of beach under my feet, I’m still questioning if anyone gets me and I still want to tell my mother all about it. It isn’t gone. But because of the run, I think it’s all a little bit better. A bottle of wine and my bed could very well have done the same thing. But not today.
I genuinely recommend all of the above. The bed, the running, the mom, all good. Just know what you need. Today, when the only things that sounded good were a cheeseburger and paradise, I chose to run.
appletini says:
Nice post
Wow, I would have been dead at mile 1 
October 11th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
Bre says:
You know - I read about all the powerful and healing things that running does for you and I can’t help but compare the way you seem to feel when you run to the way I feel when I click around campus in brand new shoes.
Of course, your upper is way more responsible.
I think it’s completely incredible that you pushed yourself for four miles when paradise was calling - yay you!
October 11th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
jacinta says:
I have only recently started running (well shuffling really) having always said I would never do so. Surprisingly I LOVE it. Often it is the motivation to get out there that is difficult, but once it is all done, I am SO glad I made the effort. Like walking in 5 in the morning, it is all worth it in the end. Of course, running 5 miles is beyond me so far, but it is within reach. 5km so far… not sure of the conversion… but 5 sounds good!
My distraction? Music when alone (and singing in my head) and with company, I have a running buddy called Amy who manages to talk most of the way and I forget the exercise… I rarely run alone but last time I found myself repeating the alphabet out loud to regulate my breathing and take my mind off the run. I made the distance, so although it sounds crazy it seems to have done the trick.
Love the new look blog. Excellent.
October 11th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
Danielle says:
Well said. I know exactly what you are talking about. It’s been so long since I’ve been “in the zone” and miles just ticked off like nothing…I still go with the rememberance of the run though…How do we need to find it again? Cheeseburger and paradise sounds great to me. Now you should give in to the burger at least, could be an iron craving and that can affect the run!!
October 12th, 2007 at 11:11 am
The Exception says:
I used to swim and now I walk - Sometimes I didn’t want to but I did because I knew it was what I had to do. The wine and the bed might have done the same as your run… but I doubt it. There is something about working through it on your own - just you and your body - that does make a difference.
I am all about talking to moms though!
October 12th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
egan says:
You chose wisely. Once you finish your run you can eat a cheeseburger right? Isn’t the metabolism at its fastest within 15-20 minutes after you exercise? Someone told me that and I believed them. Now I’m sharing this knowledge with you. This is how bad rumors and lies are spread though. Yikes. Have a good weekend.
October 12th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
barbara bruederlin says:
You made the right choice! The wine and cheeseburger will taste even better for it.
October 12th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
afuntanilla says:
i always appreciate your honesty. thx for sharing
October 12th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
OC says:
Loved it. Sometimes I truly believe that a good run can clear your head. I used to believe it about soccer, but there are too many other people involved. When you go out and run, it’s just you. And (I can’t believe I’m saying this), but that feels better than a glass of wine. Sometimes.
October 13th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Amy says:
Fabulous post! It is a tribute to why you and others run and a good reminder that sometimes just keepin’ moving is the best thing for our soul and body.
October 13th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Robb says:
Wow, I like the new theme and the new look. It’s nice…it’s you and it’s fabulous! Anytime you need to run on the beach here in NS…just let me know - I can set that up.
October 13th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
JC says:
Good job!
More hard runs than easy ones in my running log, but sometimes it feels good to earn it.
Run on sister., and enjoy the burger.
JC
October 13th, 2007 at 7:28 pm
JACC says:
Well, I took your advice.
On the bottle of wine, anyway.
October 14th, 2007 at 9:25 am
sue says:
My hero! (I would have collapsed at half a mile, gone home, AND had the cheeseburger…)
October 18th, 2007 at 10:35 am
Using your words « It’s like I’m… mmmagic! says:
[...] I AM A ROCKSTAR! BOW DOWN TO ME!”, or something similar and gleeful. I liked this post by Justrun, who writes of writing in a way that’s refreshingly honest. That it’s a sometimes a [...]
October 18th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Jen says:
Good for you! If only I could run like that!
October 19th, 2007 at 3:24 pm