Over the weekend my sister and I were shopping and while standing in a check out line, an elderly woman collapsed. It wasn’t a dramatic collapse but more like she felt weak, leaned into someone’s arms and they slowly lowered her to the ground. Several people gathered around her and for some reason I felt as though I should be one of them.
At this point she was on her back and as I knelt down next to her, placed one hand on her shoulder and reached for my phone with the other, she began to stiffen and sort of arch back. I was certain she was having a stroke. I dialed 9-1-1 on my phone and looked up to see if anyone else was around. People had stepped away, I guess not knowing what to do. Not being someone who panics in emergencies, I am always surprised to see people freeze up. And, much to my dismay, people that just carry on as if nothing is happening. This is where I’d embarrass my sister by yelling at a woman who managed to step right over me and the elderly woman on the floor because she was in a hurry to make her return. I may have said something like “could you be more self-absorbed.” I don’t remember this but my sister does and I know I must have felt justified in yelling it at the time.
As I spoke to the 9-1-1 operator, I asked one person to make sure to hold the woman’s head still and I felt her wrist for a pulse (hi, no formal medical training since college here). At this point I noticed her eyes were starting to look more normal and she was breathing more regularly. Apparently whatever had happened was coming to an end. Someone in the store managed to get her a pillow for under her head and just as they brought it over, the woman began to talk. She told us she was eighty-nine-years-old. That was probably the best thing I’d heard all day, because just twenty seconds before I was trying to remember if I knew how to perform CPR, or worse, if I did and it didn’t work.
I know that’s morbid but I think part of not being someone who panics means being able to quickly prepare yourself for the worst. In my mind, I was already thinking a) that this woman might not make it and b) who would we call to tell. My body was still holding her wrist and talking to the 9-1-1 operator, but my mind was already searching for how I was going to deal with the after effects. All but one person had stepped away from her by then and I felt this immediate sense of responsibility to her. It didn’t feel like a choice at that point. Something had put me there.
As the elderly woman was coming to, another woman, probably in her 50’s, came over. “Mary. Mary!” she said, and I knew she knew this woman. I asked if she was her daughter and she said no, she was just a friend of a friend that had volunteered to take her shopping. I asked if anyone else was with them, or if we could call family.
“No, there’s no one.”
Those words hit me so hard that I wouldn’t regain a normal breathing pattern for what seemed like hours afterward. The paramedics arrived and I stepped back and just stared blankly. They asked me some questions, which I imagine I answered, but mostly I just stared. Hearing that woman say “no, there’s no one” resounded so deeply in me I could think of nothing else. When my sister and I got in the car, I just started tearing up. All the thoughts in my mind were piling up. No one. No one to call. Alone. All alone at 89. How long has she been alone? Does she have friends? Is she a widow? What if something would have happened? Oh God, that could be me.
My sister tried to reassure me, saying that the woman who told me that could be wrong. The elderly woman’s family could just live in another state or town. She had friends, and she was shopping. She was enjoying life. As I slowly decompressed from the situation, I realized my sister was probably right. And even if the situation was how I imagined, it didn’t mean it was bad. This woman had someone who cared about her, and she was 89. I’m sure she has led a very full life. And what’s better, it looked like she was going to be okay. She was coherent and talking to the paramedics, I even remember her saying she was on no medication. She was likely very healthy.
But to say that I wasn’t still thinking about that today, about the “no one”, well that just wouldn’t be true.
girlgoyle says:
I’ve thought about this before myself. I think in my blogs I’ve mentioned being a holiday orphan. And though I am blessed to have immediate family still alive no one is physically close enough to me to be able to help. And I do have a ton of friends but if something were to happen, even a simple leg break, I’d be alone. So you can be of any age and be alone. It’s a scary thought.
October 15th, 2007 at 11:00 am
Princess Extraordinaire says:
You were her angel and she was lucky to have you with her while she went through something frightening…I applaud you for stepping up and not back llike so many people do. I hope she’s not alone - I am almost teearing up writing this…I know I’d be affected if I were there too…
October 15th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
sizzle says:
you are a good person. i knew this already of course but this just reconfirms it.
it saddens me that people are not giving to one another. that we don’t just pitch in because it is the RIGHT THING TO DO. i’m glad you are not one of those people. and good for you for yelling at that self-absorbed person.
i’d be shaken by hearing “no one” too…i am just by reading your post.
October 15th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
brandy says:
I’m one of those people who stands there for a second thinking that there might be someone far more qualified for dealing with the emergency in the crowd, but then feel it necessary to involve myself. Because if it was me lying there, I would want someone to help me. As for the ‘no one’, that IS sad. I’m going to be thinking of what your sister told you though. Hopefully her words stick in my head.
October 15th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
Bre says:
Gracious, Girlie!
It’s scary, for real and it sounds like you did an amazing job! Having had to preform CPR more often than I’d like to have I can say that it’s hard to do it wrong and not something you’re likely to forget … no matter how long ago the training was!
I hope you’re coping with the aftermath well!
October 15th, 2007 at 6:42 pm
Danielle says:
That would affect me I think too. Hearing someone say no, there’s no one…how harsh and sad sounding. It’s kind of why one of my friends had kids…at least it was always her reasoning. She’s an only child from a small family overall, she wants someone there when she’s old…guess that makes sense then.
Good job in taking care of her too. I like to think that I’d be able to handle the situation fine. In fact I have twice been around people having bad reactions, one a diabetic and one a hypoglycemic. I’d hope I’d be able to help someone that I didn’t know as well.
October 16th, 2007 at 5:58 am
The Exception says:
I am so glad that she was okay. Those words “no one” are sad to hear though, your sister is probably right in that there is probably more to the story than the words imply. She has friends, people who are about her, and… she isn’t truly alone.
October 16th, 2007 at 7:23 am
JACC says:
You’re a hero!
The sad thing about being alone at that age is it’s probably more common that not.
October 16th, 2007 at 8:33 am
barbara bruederlin says:
Wow, I sure am glad that at least one person there did not freeze up or step back. Bless you for being someone who is not afraid to at least try to help in an emergency.
Although it is sad that she had nobody else, how wonderful that she is 89 and still doing her own shopping.
October 16th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Airam says:
I’m glad that your sister was there with you. I think that you handled the situation perfectly.
October 16th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
runliarun says:
It’s in emergencies we need people like you most. And you proved it. Afterwards you can feel weak or sad, but what does it matter if it doesn’t matter anymore?
October 16th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Jacinta says:
A friend of mine was on the London Underground on her way to work one day, when someone had a heart attack. She hit the emergency button and people had a go at her. When the train pulled into the station people stepped over the person lying on the floor.
The world IS an amazing place. Good and bad.
In the same way it’s sad, the great thing is there are people (such as yourself) around who do come to the rescue of those in need. The kindness of strangers is everywhere - in what you did, in a hello and a smile, or a simple nod of recognition. She may not have someone to call in such a situation, but often the everyday interaction that occurs between strangers can make a life less lonely.
October 17th, 2007 at 3:05 am
brookem says:
what a scary situation. you are such a kind person. thank goodness you were there for her. it baffles me that more people didn’t step in too.
October 17th, 2007 at 6:46 am
sue says:
Just a peek into your own mortality. It happens to us all at one time or another… some of us are more caring and sensitive to it, as you are. You are such a good person to empathize… and to step in without a second thought. Good for you…
October 18th, 2007 at 10:38 am