I mentioned last week that I wanted to run another marathon this year. I still do, and no, I am not sure where yet. I know, January is ticking away. Yeah yeah. What I didn’t mention, though, is that I sort of don’t much care for the whole running thing right now. I feel like my head is not in the game. I have all these goals like getting my speed back up, increasing my distance, and oh, here’s a novel one, feel good and yet, I’m not actually making a huge effort to get there.
When I’m sitting at work or at dinner or where ever, it all seems very doable. When I step onto the treadmill (thank you, snow) at 4:00 in the morning, it even seems possible. But then I get a mile or so in and instead of feeling better, which is usually how I feel after mile two, I start talking myself out of it. Oh, what the heck, just walk fast. Oh, who cares, just do some intervals. Sixty minutes is sixty minutes, right? Well we all know that’s not true. Sure, it is all better than doing nothing but for me, right now, that is not going to get me anywhere.
There are other obstacles, too. In 2007, I managed to lose the weight I’d put on the previous year during all my injury fun. What I didn’t pay much attention to, though, is the weight that was there before that. It is probably just a few pounds, but I can’t say for sure. Up until now I thought losing what I already have would do the trick but let me tell you, it is a bummer of a day when you can lose all the weight you gained and say “well, hmm, that’s not quite the difference I thought it’d be.” It’s fine, of course it is better than not, but it’s also another hill to climb. One that, after already losing, will either seem easier or (more likely) like the most impossible thing ever. We’ll see.
Another hill is, in fact, my knee injuries. Because here’s the funny thing about losing cartilage in your knee: It packs up it’s crap and leaves your butt high and dry to keep paying the running rent without it. And there’s nothing you can do, because that jerk is never coming back. This injury, like so many others, is now forever and always a part of me. I’m going to be maintaining it forever. That is the reality. The End. After much nagging from running friends, though, I am finally trying the Glucosamine route. I was all hesitant and afraid because I was worried about my cholesterol (not high to begin with) and other traumatic side effects induced by TAKING THE SAME MEDICATION AS MY EIGHTY-ONE-YEAR-OLD GRANDMOTHER. But I got over that, because if I want to run around like I’m twenty, then maybe I ought to use my head like a grown woman and give it a try. I started taking it three weeks ago; you’re supposed to give it about six to eight. We’ll see.
The good news, and probably the most important element of this whole thing, is that I’m sickeningly happy. I mean, crazy happy. People are telling me enough, already, stub your toe and curse or something just so we know you’re human. I can’t help it, and I don’t know why. Which is good because it is about time that I look at challenges as challenges, that I was gentle enough with myself to work hard and not feel bad about the times I don’t, and that I remembered to treat this like I do everything else, like it’s all going to work out. My head might just get in the game yet.
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