I hadn’t really planned on a week away from this site, but that’s what happened. (And I went into lurker mode in reading for the most part. But I have been there! Promise!) Part of me thinks it would sure be nice to pop back up here and say “so much has become clear to me in the last seven days,” but that’s not really the case. The best part of this last week is that it was Spring Break and I lost two more pounds. While certainly different than Spring Breaks of the past wherein I might have gained two pounds (likely in the form of pizza and beer), it is not super writing material.
Of course life happens even if one part of it stops, but I’m also sort of bored with myself. Sure, I could sit here and type out all the standard-issue twenty-eight-year-old single woman’s stories about this friend that had a baby and that friend whose husband died and how it all made me look differently at life, but putting any of that into more than one sentence seems insufficient. I could also go on about men and dating and how, strangely, or not, my judgment around both is both clouded and made more clear by the birth and death around me. I could do that, because I thought it. Oh, heck, did I think it. But I feel like that’s all been done. Though it isn’t often, I have spent enough time around here (hours) and in the rest of my life (decades) trying to figure out things that are not meant to be figured out. Or, at the very least, not right now. It goes in phases, of course, but it’s incredible the fuel that is birth, death, and new people happening in your life all in the same week. For a woman, I’m thinking this is the emotion-inducing tri-fecta. How ridiculous is that. I am already exhausted with the over-analyzing that comes with life in general in my twenties, and here all this shows up at once. I feel like gazing up toward the sky and saying “look, Dude, I am a pretty laid-back girl (thanks for that, by the way) but COME ON!”
Yesterday, I met a friend of mine for lunch and told her the tale that was my week: Spring Break, pretending to be irresponsible again, losing weight, gaining perspective, grieving, sadness, elation, ovary-stirring happiness, peace, restlessness, over thinking, feeling way too grown up and trying to resist the distinct urge to run away. Far, far away. I explained how I know this is life and this is how it goes, but why, oh why, must it happen all at once? Why must it feel like more than I can handle? And why am I scared of every part of it? The birth. The death. The new.
And my friend listened—thank goodness, she listened. There was really nothing I needed more.
Then, I’m driving home and I see this quote on a sign:
A ship is safe in a harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.—William Shed
Here, in land-locked Colorado, I see that. So I guess we just keep going.
sizzle says:
That quote is awesome.
March 30th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
backofpack says:
Yep, that’s life. It cycles round and round again - birth, death, worries, emotional ups, emotional downs, wondering, laughing, crying, trying to understand, flashes of understanding, and…20,30,40,50…I don’t think age really matters. That’s the way it goes.
March 31st, 2008 at 5:19 am
pneumoniaBoy says:
Loved the quote.
Seems like an appropriate time to be thankful for self-awareness AND that we don’t have half the trials and tribulations of other folks we know.
March 31st, 2008 at 5:32 am
Danielle says:
Oh so true…in every sense of the word. Life isn’t just about watching, it’s about experiencing, the good and the bad…and I’m guessing even when I’m 90 (yes, I have expectations of living that long, looking at my family history!!) I’m STILL not going to get most of it…guess that’s what makes it all exciting though right?
March 31st, 2008 at 5:51 am
The Exception says:
I love such friends - those that just listen!
I love that quote too. Sometimes ships need to sit safely in the harbor - to restock, refuel, be repaired… a ship needs to have time to rest and be silent just as it needs to sail the seas.
March 31st, 2008 at 8:06 am
jacinta says:
Sometimes you think so much about things, the idea of putting it onto the blog is all too hard! Try to stop thinking? No chance! You and me both!
Glad to hear you found a friend to sit and listen. Friends therapy is often the best.
March 31st, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Nicole says:
From the girl that over think more than anyone I know I have to say I haven’t figured out anything yet. I have found that at 30 it just doesn’t matter anymore and I’ve become more laid back. In the end it will all work out, and when it doesn’t seem to be thank god for those friends who listen. HUGS
March 31st, 2008 at 5:56 pm
brandy says:
AHH! I read this in google reader and forgot to comment. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your overthinking. (I notice some of the other commenters are overthinkers- maybe that’s why we blog?)
Also? That quote is brilliant. I’m going to share it with my class tomorrow and here what they have to say about it. I can only imagine…
March 31st, 2008 at 9:04 pm