I have a friend trying to make a decision. In fact, she’s already made it. The way I see it, she made it a while ago, but she’s putting off the actual action. It’s one of those difficult things in life, like quitting a job or a club. Except, this is worse. We all know it’s worse. She wants to break up with someone.
Sitting down and talking, she has a lot of reasons to do this. She says they were not a good match from the beginning– different stages of life, different ideas of love or, just… different. Too different, I guess. The thing that gets me, though, is that she hasn’t done it already. I don’t think that’s fair.
While there is a chance he’s doing the same thing, putting it off, it doesn’t seem that’s the case. It seems as though, as is true with the rest of the relationship, they are on different pages. Different chapters, maybe. Because here this person is looking to the future, planning a life, and she’s figuring out how to end it. It’s just she can’t bring herself to say so.
I understand this. Breaking up, breaking hearts, it is no fun. It’s sad and it hurts, and really, it just sucks to disappoint someone. To admit we’re wrong, that we’re not where we need to be, that sometime in our moments with them we stopped feeling the same thing, that’s a heavy load. But I also think it’s selfish. I think when we wait to do something like this, we’re just protecting ourselves. We don’t want to be the bad guy.
And who does? Who wants that? I understand, really I do. But if you care as much as you say you do, you do the breaking up anyway. I know if it were me, I’d say do it. Do it kindly, but hurry up and do it.
charlotteharris says:
Wow, I think it’s crappy that everyone else knows except for him. She should just say something along the lines of “we need to move on in our separate directions. Thanks for some really good times. I wish you well. And Goodbye.” Then it’s over with.
June 26th, 2008 at 5:59 am
Dingo says:
I hate it when people say they want to break up with someone, they know they should break up with someone, they have to break up with someone but all they do is talk about breaking up with someone!!
June 26th, 2008 at 6:19 am
Danielle says:
Breaking up is difficult…I’ve actually only had to do it once, I think, much as it hurts, it’s easier to be broken up with, but leading someone on, keeping something going that isn’t working, is not good for either person. The longer you wait, the more chance for hurt. Hopefully she rips the bandaid off soon.
June 26th, 2008 at 6:26 am
barbara says:
That is such a hard thing to do. I can understand your friend putting it off, but best to get the deed done and move on.
June 26th, 2008 at 8:24 am
anne says:
Most definitely. It hurts more the longer you wait.
June 26th, 2008 at 8:38 am
Mel Heth says:
Is it an issue of her seeing some good points in him? I’ve been in that situation - where in my heart of hearts, I know that the person isn’t right for me, but they have qualities I truly love. So I hang on too long. I guess the bottom line is that breaking up sucks, no matter which side of it you’re on. Hope your friend finds her way.
June 26th, 2008 at 9:31 am
sizzle says:
When you’re not on the same page, it’s very rare that someone can “speed up” or “slow down” to meet one another in the same chapter, sadly.
I’m a rip the band aid off kind of girl but I realize that is much easier said than done. She isn’t doing him any favors discussing it with everyone BUT him though. That seems pretty unfair.
June 26th, 2008 at 10:37 am
JACC says:
I always thought this was why so many people sabotage relationships, it’s just easier than actually breaking up.
June 26th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Dag says:
She owes it to him to let him move on. However, today we have put relationships in the same category as electronics. - Disposable - If the camera stops working we just go get a new on, we don’t even try to fix it. Since I don’t know the situation, my first thought would be to salvage the relationship, and find out what attracted them in the first place and get back to that point. If we are already past that, rip off the band aid.
June 26th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Jacinta says:
Never an easy or happy situation… but no-one deserves to be in a relationship where one of the people isn’t happy. It isn’t fair to either person. It’s better to be single than to be in the wrong relationship. Good luck to you friend.
Once the band-aid is ripped off, the real healing can begin!
How’s that for words from someone who has been awake since 3 and it’s just coming up to 6.30! Or maybe not… I think I’m starting to babble!
June 26th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
egan says:
You’re a very good friend. She does know how you feel about this right? I don’t get why people stay in relationships when they’re not happy. That’s silly.
June 27th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Maggie says:
I’m in that situation myself. It’s an ugly, ugly situation.
I’m on it.
Oh yea.
All over it.
LOL
June 29th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
The Exception says:
It is hard to break up as we don’t want to hurt the other person - and ourselves But the thing is, by staying with someone you don’t love - by encouraging a dream that isn’t a reality - we are hurting them and ourselves much more than the break-up ever could.
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:45 am
Aaron says:
By wanting to break up and not doing it, you’re already the bad guy.
July 6th, 2008 at 9:37 am