I hate the head tilt. You know, the one people do when they ask a question, you give an answer and they’re immediately pittying you? That one. The one that makes you want to shake your head like an Etch-A-Sketch and remove that sad, sorry image from the person’s face.
Do you know when I hate this the most? When it’s followed by the Are You Married Question. (Yes, that is a title, and everyone knows it.) The Question has been part of my life for at least the last ten years. Yes, I know that would only make me not yet 19-years-old when that started, but I used to have this air about me that made people think I was older. Now, it’s not so much the air as it is the wrinkles, and the yelling at kids to get out of my yard. But that Question has been fired at me almost non-stop for most of my adult life.
Which, yeah, I understand this. People are curious, they ask. They have good intentions– some of them even go with the response of shock: What?! How is it possible that a girl like you, what with your level of intelligence, incredible sense of humor and shiny, flowing hair is single? HOW, I SAY! (Okay, so maybe they’re more thinking that than saying it, but I can tell.)
What’s difficult is this– us single people? Most of us do not have a satisfactory answer to this question. We tell the truth and say ” I just haven’t met the right person” or we lie and say “oh, my life is just too busy right now” but either way, none of it sounds good. Not to the people hearing it, and, honestly, not to me. Maybe it’s just old, maybe I’m just old, but when I get this question these days, I’m tempted to give a much longer response.
Like I’ll tell them about how walking my dog I see this other dog standing by this guy standing by this Jeep and normally I’d just notice this and move on, but on that day I thought oh, he’s sort of good looking. Please, let his dog run away and run over to my dog and let them love each other. And then maybe this is something he’s amused by, and maybe something that makes him instantly ask for a woman’s phone number. And maybe, even though his dog is a big dog, he secretly also likes smaller dogs and bends down to pet my dog and this makes him say forget about calling later, let’s go have dinner right now. And who cares that she is wearing rubber flip flops and her hair is a hot mess, I want to know this person right now. And in my head I’ll imagine that I do not care about his shoes or hair either (seriously not a care-about-the-hair girl) and hopefully he doesn’t mind the terrible use of run-on sentences, because I want to know this person right now.
But I’m thinking that answer, as much as it is true for me, is not something that would go over any better than the “oh, still looking” response I’ve become such a pro at giving.
I try not to live in too much of a fantasy. I mean, ten years ago, a lot of unreal scenarios could have been possible, if only in my mind. And I’d say yes to all of it, because opportunity was on my doorstep. Heck, it was on every doorstep. Doorsteps of places I’d never even been. But it’s different now. Although I’m probably twice as good at turning down these “opportunities” just because they’re there, the fact is there are also probably half as many chances to actually do it.
So maybe I should be listening to these people, these question askers. Maybe I should be trying harder to diagnose myself. To forget those guy-standing-by-the-Jeep scenarios and just get on with it. I don’t know. I didn’t think I was missing opportunities, but without venturing out each day actively looking, maybe I am.
Maybe all this time I’ve only been telling myself to just go with the flow for no good reason. Relax and don’t get excited could be the wrong approach. Still, it’d sure be helpful if I had something to get excited about.
Filed under: 
