So it’s probably wrong for me to continue to talk about wanting to be on vacation still, isn’t it? But, man, it was just so good. Soooooo good. But alright, life goes on. I will do my best to move on, and I won’t badger anyone any more with “did you see my pictures?” or “so do you want to go with me next time?” I won’t. Promise. I know that gets annoying. Or at least I try to remember it does.
Onward, though, to all that normal life stuff. Like oh, say, running. Running that I haven’t really done a lot of lately, that is. I actually got up almost every day while I was gone and went out for a run or a hike or both, or even two hikes. It was great. It was easy. I wanted to get up. But now, back home again, I am not really feeling it.
I’m mostly okay with this. I know as long as I keep somewhat active I’ll be okay. I know that doing two marathons in four weeks probably contributed. I know that my body finally saying enough is worth listening to. And, mostly, I’m okay with it. The hardest part, I think, is that after you spend years and years running, going to races, training, talking about running, and even getting to know people who’ve only known you while running, you become The Runner. You take on this identity that says “Oh, that’s Lesley. She runs.” The description of you automatically lends itlsef to The Runner.
As many of us as there are, runners are still a pretty unique lot, still something to be singled out of the crowd. And maybe it’s just the narcissist in me coming through, but I like that. I like being known as The Runner. I like that something I love and rely on has not only become part of me but also part of my identity. It feels good to have that. On those hard days, when you feel like things aren’t working out the way you’d planned, or that nothing is as you pictured it, at the end of the day you are still The Runner.
The thing I’m faced with now, though, is what to do with The Runner when I’m not running. How can I explain myself? How can I can I say I’m still in love with this… thing and all the while not care to actually do it? It’s strange.
I know so many people go through this. People with both temporary and permanent injuries are forced with taking breaks, or leaving running altogether. Then you have to go about this task—this task no one told you about—of finding this new identity. It’s not that everyone needs one of these identities, but once you’re accustomed to being a The, you are hardly going to know what to do when you are not.
I’ve thought a lot about what I want from this time away from running, and I am really not sure. Maybe I just want to miss it? But I’m not there yet. I do know that just because I’m not running now doesn’t mean I’m not running ever again. That’s the hardest thing to communicate, especially to those people that know The Runner part of me.
Or, possibly, all of this could be more about convincing myself.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
First of all, I will NEVER get tired of hearing so do you want to go with me next time?, because one of these days I will.
Although I am not a runner (not willingly, anyway, I can relate to what you say about what do you do when you’re not doing what you do. For me it’s writing, I am a writer and that’s how most people identify me, and yet, right now, I don’t feel like writing either. It’s causing me some concern, too.
Maybe you can do what I am trying, to fill that void, get all those niggling little chores done instead. We can then be known as chore-doers!
This post really hit home. It’s difficult to walk through the park now and look at all the runners and think “That used to be me! But slower. Much slower. No, even slower.”
Take time to miss it. Then, when you get back into it you’ll be fresh. Or, you may decide that you want to pursue other things. It’s okay to change your mind.
I hear you 100%. This is exactly how I feel about writing. I love to write. I live to write. Yet, a lot of the time, I don’t write. There is a strange sort of pressure that comes with being identified as The Runner or The Writer. But I think it’s probably healthy to go through ups and downs with it.
Beautiful pictures in the last post, btw!
Ah the beauty of life – we can always define ourselves and then choose something different another day.
And just because you aren’t running doesn’t mean you can love it or… be involved with it another way.
Hey, don’t worry about the fact that you aren’t running much. It happens. After Boston, my first week I ran exactly one time. My second week, one time again…I think third week I actually did two…and it took until about 3 weeks ago before I got a double digit run in and that’s 2 months after, and that was only one marathon. You did 2 in one month!! Until you say “running is bad for me, it hurts my knees, I’m done with it” you still are a runner even if all you’re doing is walking, biking or whatever for a time. Most of us take breaks on occasion.
Im in the same boat as of late! No running to be had, I hate it!