After sitting down last night to write a post that turned out to be one very confusing, long bunch of words I woke up this morning going really? You put that on the Internet? REALLY? I thought about deleting it but in the days of RSS, there’s probably no point in that a handful of people already saw my Crazy and thought “oooh, she’s at it again.” What I should have done is make a list of things I can’t say. Because that’s really what it’s about.
Sometimes it’s hard to sit down and write about your life when you’re in the middle of part of life that you cannot, should not, put on the Internet. And for days like this I used to have running, but seeing as I run only minimally these days, that’s not always an option either. My body thanks me for the break, but the part of me that needs to put something out there is frustrated.
Waking up this morning with all this on my mind seemed silly. It’s just a blog, of millions of blogs, and just because I can’t talk about something now doesn’t really mean anything. It doesn’t. But what I can’t help but think about is that through this blog and through writing about subject matter that doesn’t really mean anything quite often, I’ve also made a lot of friends. There are people in my life because of this here site and whether it’s for a moment or forever, that means something.
I’m having a hard time trying to get my head around how a person can be so blessed, and yet struggle at the same time. I’m in a place where I feel like I can’t do enough, and at the same time I have an over-abundance of enough around me.
So what I’m saying is, sorry for the Crazy, and sorry I can’t say more.
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This was a very valid thing to explore on the internet. It’s not like you were giving out your social insurance number or anything. Which is…?
You are not going to believe this but… I so get it!! I not only get it, I am living with very similar thoughts and feelings as you do and don’t say here and I, like you, can’t write about them and can’t put them out there, and it is weirdly frustrating and yet it is the way it is!
And I am happy to have the interesting people I ahve met thorugh the internet too.
That’s why I now have a second blog. (Also of http://thetornpages.com
Funny how we self edit. Like you, I have a lot to be grateful about and like you there are struggles. And it’s hard to write clearly when your head is full of fog.
And (like you) I have met some wonderful people and made good friends through blogging… despite being just a little bit crazy sometimes. In fact – maybe it’s the crazy that keeps them coming back.
You known I’ve come to understand we shouldn’t apologize for our crazy. They’re ours, part of who we are, they come, they go; they don’t define us, they’re just a part of the bigger picture. Don’t you worry about others, go through whatever you need to go through and don’t apologize for it, at least not to me. I’d come back regardless of the crazy, I have some of my own