I Have

If there’s anything I’ve learned about myself and procrastinating is that I worry about ten times more than I need to. For instance, right now I’m sitting at my kitchen table, still in my yoga clothes, drinking coffee and I haven’t packed a thing for a one week trip. And my flight leaves in mere hours. But there is a pile of clothes on the floor, and I know eventually they’ll make it into a bag and out the door and everything will be just fine. If only everything in life were so easy to prepare for as a trip to the tropics. Minimal clothing, and the matchy-matchy among us need not apply.

Instead, I’m sitting here in a house that really needs to be cleaned before I go, sheets that need to be changed, and looking around at a life that really could use more organization and I’m thinking I could possibly be the luckiest person I know.  And, oh boy, do I know.

For one thing, I know all the best people. From everyone to my family who’s taught me about loving me for who I am to my friends that I can call or email at any time, even if it’s just to tell them about the really loud person in the bathroom stall next to me. (It was bad, guys. Real bad.) And I don’t know about you but I think if there are two things everyone should be able to knock off their life list it’s unconditional love and sharing dramatic bathroom experiences.

That luck extends for what feels like forever, especially when it comes to this site here.  I know there’s plenty of room to argue this, but the Internet, to me, is magical. And by magical I mean because of it I am sent things from far far away just because. That makes me so happy.  Well, that and somehow I seem to have a temporary hiatus from the blacklist of the Canadian postal service— I actually received a parcel (like how I translated there?) in less than two weeks.  I am in awe.

Barb sent me two mixed CD’s last week, and I swear I both screamed and wept in joy. A woman should not have to wait nearly thirty years for a damned mixed tape CD, I tell you! And by waiting thirty years for a mixed tape, I am clearly ruling out the one you recorded yourself in your parent’s basement with a Wal-Mart keyboard and a guitar with four strings, junior high boyfriend.  Adorable? Yes. Memorable? Not in a good way.

It doesn’t stop there— I’ve gotten cards and emails from several very kind, incredible people I’ve gotten to know through this blog and as strange as it may sound, all the commiseration and encouragement and love from people [most of which] I’ve never known in person assures me that though nothing is quite how I expected, I’m not alone in this. That’s a beautiful thing.

Later today I’ll be piling in a car, and then on a plane, and then on another plane, and then on a boat, and then… okay, there will be a lot of piling… with a few of my best friends and staring down my thirtieth birthday with only the most anticipation and gratitude.  I know it’s eye roll-inducing to say, but everything feels very, very right.

I have: best friends, perfect moments, hard times, a wonderful family, a good dog, ten pounds to lose, a tendency to split infinitives, student loans, long hair, expensive hobbies, a love for running, a cluttered kitchen counter, love, a job I’m not in love with, a coffee addiction, a scarf addiction, dreams I cannot afford, goals I cannot afford, people I cannot live without, and all the luck in the world.

All of it.