Apparently while my goal in November was to blog each and every day, my goal in December has been to barely blog. If anyone wondered if I am alive, indeed I am. Not that anyone uses a person’s blog/lack of blogging to determine if they’re dead. That’s crazy. Everyone knows that’s what Twitter is for.
Yet here I sit on a Saturday morning feeling like I do need to write something. I’ve been back home after my quick half-marathon/Las Vegas trip for four days and in some ways it’s all I can do to catch up. And yet somehow I feel like I could leave again tomorrow and it would be okay. I am so good at not living a normally scheduled life. Or, rather, I am not good at it so much as I enjoy it. The thing is, no one really runs my life while I’m gone, and so we’ve come full circle.
Except, you know, I don’t really have a normally scheduled life right now. I don’t. Since I stopped working nearly a MONTH ago (oh, how fast the time goes) I feel like I’ve been stuck in between things. I am, I guess, literally between things but for some reason, in the last week, I have been more uncomfortable with that than I was before. I feel bad or ungrateful for admitting this, but even the work that’s waiting for me doesn’t seem right. I know, wah, I have a job waiting for me if I’d just move forward and take it and yet I cannot bring myself to schedule a meeting. I sit here playing phone tag and finding myself glad, relieved that I can push it off for a day longer.
I am weird but not stupid, so of course I’ll take the work I can get and I will get by. And even be grateful. Of course. Because every day that I’m not in my old job feels like a new day. I wake up with happiness and grattitude that I was even able to move on at all. It has been a month, but it has not been that long. My soul is no longer being sucked out of my self, and that counts for a lot.
But right now I feel like I’m waiting for that next step. I’m waiting for it to show itself to me so I can act on it. And I will, I promise I will.
I’m not asking for everything, just a path. I mean, I’m thirty years old. I can figure out the rest as I go along.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I know how you feel. I am too waiting for some sort of path opening to let me know where I should be headed next. I’m letting go and letting God though, eventually things sort pout themselves, at least in my experience I’ve found they tend to do so.
I wonder what is behind your not seizing the job that you know will be offered if you schedule that meeting? Is it because you know that it may not be the right job, that you have a feeling that the right thing is just up the path?
But hey, if you can get a new job offer after only being away from your old job for a month, then you know there are more where that one came from.
Trust your gut. It’s great you have a potential job…but if it’s not the one your gut has been waiting for, I think it’s okay to keep waiting. In the grand scheme of life, 2 months – or even 6 – are just a blip.