Things have been a little, I don’t know, busy lately. Busy isn’t even the right word, but I don’t know how to put it into words. Aside from all the blah blah blah of getting life in order, convincing myself to work on some things while putting off others, and generally having many of the thoughts and feelings more appropriate for a 20-year-old than a 30-year-old, I will save you the long story.
Looking for some perspective, I went back four years ago from today, just to look at who I was that day. I can’t say I specifically remember April 2006, but looking back on that post, it was a very different time, for me. It was also a different time in my work, a time when I could not have imagined the last year that brought me to where I am now.
Nonetheless, I want to share that post, because above all else, it reminded me of the simple fact of how the things we do in our lives prove that while we change, we also remain very much the same.
Work has been ridiculously busy lately. And it’s not going to let up. We’re working on a huge project that will go on for several months. I’m really getting into it and learning new things all the time. It’s like I have night-before-an-exam brain; there’s so much information in my mind, it actually feels full. Really really full.
In the tech world, we like to give everything an acronym or an abbreviation. Instead of saying Database Administrator, we say DBA. Instead of saying Asynchronous Javascript and XML, it’s AJAX instead. You get the idea. Today I gave this project it’s new official acronym: MOS. Massive Overhaul of Shit. That’s what it is. Everything must be brutally scrutinized and analyzed and reviewed. Everything is changing. I’ve never been involved in something so huge. Granted, we’re not changing the world. We’re just changing the way thousands of people see it.
As a result of Project MOS, I’m becoming Work Girl. It’s scary. Work Girl doesn’t have time to clean her house. Work Girl doesn’t remember to call her friends. Work Girl eats on the go. She doesn’t have time to go to the bathroom, much less go for a run. I feel so guilty, too. I haven’t run in two days. Oh, big deal, you might say. But for a runner who also happens to be an anal planner, it’s serious.
Just to paint a picture of how my day looked, I’ll give you a little play-by-play. Alarm goes off at 5:00 a.m. I sleep till 5:15. I drag my butt out of bed and eventually, out of the house by 6:00 a.m. I get to work at 6:20 (good commute time). I spend the next nine hours in a meeting. No, not meetings, a meeting. Yes, it took 7 adults 9 hours- minus the 13 minutes I spent eating my lunch at my desk while responding to email- to make decisions on Project MOS. I spent about 2 hours after the meeting trying to make sense of our decisions and then send out the notifications that were my responsibility before anyone had a chance to change their mind. You gotta jump on that crap, seriously.
I still felt like a slacker even though I worked my hiney off all day long.
The one thing that did make the day worth all the crap was this note from my boss (one of many (bosses, not notes)):
Great work today. I hope you know how important you are to this project!
But then it was followed by this:
See you at 6:00 a.m. tomorrow. We need to get things in order before the weekend! Thanks!
And then I had chips and salsa and a margarita for dinner. You can’t do everything perfect in one day. The world would stop rotating.
I like that girl… “Work Girl.” She was enjoying work. She was excited. She was in a good place. I also know, though, that I don’t want to go back to that. I was there, I did well, I learned, I was forever changed. And I was meant to move on from it.
Beyond that, I do not know. It will probably be a good four years again before it all makes sense.
I will say, however, that I really need to go back to using the word “hiney” in everyday conversations. Why did I ever stop that?
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Definitely start using “hiney” again. Hee hee.
Sometimes I can so related to your posts it’s scary. In 2006 I was also “Work Girl” and learning lots and brain completely full and working too much and loving it. And now I’m nowhere near Work Girl. And very ready to move on (but just haven’t pulled the trigger yet). And yet I wouldn’t go back to 2006. That was a different time.
And like you, it will likely be a couple years before things make sense again.
That’s why I enjoy reading your blog.
I don’t envy Work Girl at all! 6:00 a.m.??? Holy heaven. There’s no way. Even when I worked at a coffeehouse in college, I didn’t have to be there until 6:30. I’m glad you’re free of the Work Girl life.
Wow… Um… wow! I don’t know any of those girls. The 20 somethings in my office don’t work those hours even when we wish they would!
I went straight from student to life student to student to working mom. I knod if miss not having the “work girl” experience and yet… I wouldn’t trade my own for the world.
Four years – you might never figure it out but you can appreciate what it was and where you are… and figuring out just doesn’t seem that important at the end of the day ()or that is what I keep trying to convince myself!)
And “anal planner”. That’s a good one too.
Work Girl, although admirable and able, was due for burnout. I think you are in a much healthier place now. Work Girl’s life is kinda exhausting.
B gets annoyed when I say “hiney” AND “potty.”
What can I say? My grandma raised me right.
Hmm…I should go back in time…I think I’m in a much better place now….sometimes you do need to look back to move forward though. Remember who you were, but look to who you’ve become.