The energy theory… or something a lot like it

There is a theory out there—I’m not sure what it’s called—about finite energy. Supposedly, in this world or universe or whatever you believe/perceive to be the bounds of creation and existence, within that space there is a certain amount of energy that is static. It’s measure remains the same no matter what time it is, no matter how many life forms are in existence, and no matter what is happening within the space. There is an unseen, often unnoticed balance that exists, has always existed, and will continue to exist no matter what. I am assuming there are mathematical equations for this theory, too, written out on a chalkboard down some very long hallway with cinder block walls, just waiting for some night janitor to come along and solve something no card-carrying genius ever could.

But because I’m not that night janitor, nor the card-carrying genius, I’m forced to think of this theory within my own terms, my own experience.  Apparently, the basis of this theory is energy comes in many, many forms, and travels in many, many different styles, but the amount of it that is available is constant. There is only enough energy to sustain that which consumes, recycles, and passes on energy within our space here, living in this space and time. Am I getting too science-y? Yes, I think I am. (Along with not being a huge fan of math, science was not really my deal, either. Thank God I can spell. Mostly.)

Basically, everything that occurs, be it large or small, is to either give way to energy for something else, or to take the energy from something else. This is the reason for all things, big and small. From babies being born, to a car breaking down. Things we see no reason for, things that seem awful and wrong and altogether cruel, too, have a reason for being given space within this finite field of energy.

I don’t say this to try to make myself or anyone feel okay about awful things. Oil spills, earthquakes, death, these are not things that can be made okay by some theory. But the thing about this theory is that energy, the kind that essentially is the basis for existence, is not particular. It is not about good occurring because there is want or even a need, and it is not about being able to stop bad from happening because there is a want or need. What it is about, though, is a greater, defined path on which everything will eventually unfold, irrespective of opinion. It means that something is always giving way to something else, and whether that something be twenty minutes or 20 years into the future, there is always something else.

What I’m getting at, if have haven’t lost everyone by now, is that so often I have found myself looking for an explanation of why something is the way it is, or why something isn’t the way it used to be. If I had a dollar for every time I did that in my twenties, for example, you’d be reading the words of a multi-millionaire right now. But what I find now is that along with this finite amount of energy available comes only a finite amount available to me, and fighting hard for more only seems to make it harder to get.

Sometimes, this sounds a lot like giving up. Sometimes, this sounds a lot like simply turning over things out of my control.  To me right now though, it sounds a lot like acceptance. Because bad things, or unpredictable things, or wrong things never seem to ask permission to interrupt, and whether you use it or fight it, it still happens. I believe that is how the energy theory works. And I will continue believing that, until maybe some janitor tells me otherwise.