At some point in the last couple years I’ve come to admit something that, while always true about me, I’d never been willing to admit before: I am not overly ambitious. Wait. Forget that. The full truth is, I am not ambitious. Period. I think in my childhood (hello, 1980s) it became very popular to raise children with an almost cut-throat mentality. You have to know what you want and go for it no matter what. And we see this so much more intensely now, what with Tiger Moms and fetuses applying for grad school. It was definitely prevalent as I got older, and even though I was lucky and did not particularly struggle with doing well in school, there was always this part of me that knew I didn’t really have the No Matter What mentality.
That didn’t mean grades didn’t matter, just as it doesn’t mean paying the bills and turning in good work doesn’t matter now. Both of those things matter. To an extent. Because somewhere along this line of doing what was expected of you, being willing to work hard and honestly, and sticking to commitments things got… blurry. Suddenly I found myself in this world driven by impeccable plans of action and Where Do You See Yourself In Five/Ten/Twenty Years interview questions, and friends-be-damned-you-are-here-to-work environments and, well, I think somewhere ambition became confused with steamrolling through life. With forgetting everything else around you in favor of the next big title, pay grade, Moment of Recognition.
(Sidebar: As someone who now gets paid to not only write for other people but also edit their work, I am very proud of that last paragraph. Ahem.)
Studies in North America over recent years have shown there is actually a way to measure happiness as it equates to income. And that magic number where those happy people sit is? $70,000 per year. That’s it. A fortune to some, yes, but not an instant millionaire whatsoever. And so I’m thinking those of us in or hovering somewhere close to that number (within $20,000-30,000 or so) can probably see that Happiness Horizon as we sit here today. And we can probably see the people on that horizon and beyond it, who are happy as a majority, and realize that this group is not made up of only the cut-throat, friendless, man-alone-in-his-castle sector. They are people, mostly, who were just ambitious enough.
And whether or not these people have either invested in or completely neglected other areas of their lives I can’t say, but what I do think of is what if we were all just ambitious enough? Not lazy. Not free-loaders. No. What if we chose instead to participate in our lives as best we can, while never feeling like we had to do it ALL THE THINGS? What if we reevaluated the amount of effort needed to actually accomplish the important things, and even let a whole lot of things go? Is that possible?
I don’t know, but I’m practicing this. It’s only been in the last couple years when I totally pulled myself off one track and spent some time on no track at all, and then started up an entirely unknown track that I’ve been able to realize what I really do well, what I am supposed to contribute to the world right now. And it hasn’t involved any do-or-die moments, any stepping on heads, any loss of friend or blood. It has involved doing less, but doing it better. Work smarter, not harder, right?
This has all led me to a point where I’ve had room to let myself grow—at a time when I’ve had very little overwhelming ambition is when I’ve progressed the most (financially, spiritually, emotionally, you name it). And I know the reaction to that: “Well, isn’t that nice for you, but I’m paying rent/a mortgage, juggling kids and elderly parents, and just grateful to be working over here, dumb ass.” Yes, I know. And I’m fully prepared to be thought a dumb ass for saying this, but ME TOO. I am juggling, too. But I am practicing on doing it better, and determining what the actual definition of a good juggler is, even.
If at the end of the day all that juggling has not made you feel better, but worse, maybe we’re trying too hard. I was. I did good work, was paid wonderfully, had a packed schedule, and never stopped to think if that was the actual contribution I was willing to make to the world. It was only when letting in the idea that ambition did not always lead to success which did not always lead to happiness that I realized, putting forth less effort can have an equal return. Often, even more.
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Brilliant post. If more people were as brave as you have been, they might discover that they can pay the mortgage and take care of the kids – and have more time to enjoy it all. At least that’s what I’m telling myself these days.
I don’t think I’m especially ambitious either (maybe it’s an October 23rd baby sort of thing)… Happiness is so much more than work.
Having said that, I AM guilty of trying to cram everything in to my day and my life. I am having to constantly having to remind myself to slow down and pause a little.
I like the ‘doing less, but doing it better’ line in the post. So important.
Not only am I not terribly ambitious either, I tend to drift through life, because I find that if I wait, opportunities will come to me rather than me chasing them.