The fog is lifting, I think. That is good news. Whenever I go through a hard time I try to check in with myself, to make sure I’m not fooling myself into the All Times Have to Be Happy Times mentality. That’s so common in modern society, in my society, even. And, I’d guess, admittedly ridiculous to everyone who takes the time to think about it.
This isn’t one of those times, but I think it’s important to understand why you’re feeling defeated, because then it helps to determine what amount of recovery has to occur for things to begin looking up again. It turns out you don’t need a full 180 to feel better, and I want becoming a little better to be my only real goal. Even though I can dream and plan with the best of ‘em, I’m reminded that reaching further than that might be wrong.
In the All Times Have to Be Happy Times camp, ironically, I think that is one thing that is missed the most. Happiness is generally not the thing that forces improvement. It is a contributor, sure, but most often it is the reward. The things that will help me become better are the obstacles, both the unexpected and the ones I conquer on purpose. Those are the times when I will be most able to learn, and practice remembering what I’ve learned.
The fog isn’t completely gone, but luckily now I can see just far enough to hold on to the part of it that became part of me. I’ve been hurt, I’ve hurt, and I still don’t completely understand it all, but it means something to me and who I am, and to what I can bring to the life ahead of me. Everything hard time is going to leave a mark and I think it’s ultimately up to us to decide what that mark represents.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I have been there and find myself there time and time again when I least expect it or am ready for it. But it is the working through it that reminds me that I am alive and there is another day to live and that I not only can do it, I want to do it. Over the weekend we saw Extremely Loud and Incredably Close… It doesn’t all make sense, It won’t make sense and sometimes that is the challenge for me – accepting it as it is.
Pardon me if I’ve said this here before, but I remember reading a quote once that said, “Don’t worry if things feel like they’re moving in reverse. You could just be backing up for a running start.” I loved that and I think it supports what you said about not forcing improvement/change in Happy All The Time land. Sometimes we have to slip into sadness or uncertainty to find our way to the next big mile marker.
I’m glad you can see through the fog and I commend you for finding an upside to your hurt. You are a strong, strong girl.
I’m glad you’re feeling better, being in a fog is not fun. I’m sending positive vibes and virtual hugs your way.
I’m always so taken with your quiet strength. Thank you for the reminder that it is the obstacles that make us stronger. It’s so easy to forget.
I hope the fog continues to lift, that happiness comes into view.
Glad to see things are improving… baby steps as they say (sometimes this term annoys me, but it is true really) and being aware of the little things are a great start. And, as for being happy all the time? you are so so right, our expectations are way out of line with reality. You just need the balance to tip, so that happiness is the most of your days.
I’m behind in my reading. It’s good to hear you are doing better. I know that foggy feeling and it’s frustrating. Rooting for you and for clarity. xo