It is true. We know this, right? We have for a while. Knew it before we realized we knew it, in fact. The one real and true obligation we have is to be true to ourselves. To say Yes and No and Maybe with the freedom of knowing that we’re capable of deciding what the right answer is, as long as we use them all about equally.
I spend a lot of time deciding things. Or, this is what I have told myself. I am indecisive or careful or… whatever. Afraid? Probably. Which is what led to my one goal this year, to do the things I fear. Many times, those are just decisions. And more often than not, it is a decision I had previously told myself I didn’t want to make. I guess that allowed me to avoid it? Yes. Avoiding. That is always the best way to get what you want, no? You can see where I was hitting speed bumps.
But somehow recently I have been making decisions in a way I haven’t before. There are a lot of ways to put it, but what it comes down to is that I am believing in my decisions more. I am in love with every decision I make, I guess. I mean, the little stuff, you guys, because that is how we practice, right? We start out holding onto the wall before we push off and let the skates carry us. So, when I decide to do even something small, and I am in love with that something small, I know it’s practice. It’s building my confidence. And it’s never as tough to make that next step after you practice than if you hadn’t at all.
Sitting here, before I wrote this, it dawned on me: I love to make decisions now. I love the Yes, the No, the HELL YES, and the HELL NO (and the Maybe). It may sound silly but the concept that I have a choice in making my decisions at all is far from lost on me. It is a gift that many never get. And that is thrilling. So why not be in love with it? Why not commit myself to practice? Why not decide so hard and love it so much that it is so powerful that it is an act of honor to anywhere else in the world where deciding is not possible? Then every doubt and opinion and critic simply fades away.
That is how I want to use this gift. Whether I am holding onto the railing or skating right out into the middle of the ice, no matter who may be watching and how impossible it may seem, I am going to love it.