Today I lost a little job. It is not a huge thing, except all the jobs are kind of little right now, and sporadic, so that makes it hard. Kind of like this entire year. But some years ask questions and some answer, or something like that, so I have no choice but to go with it. Well, I do have other choices but they aren’t appealing to me. Thankfully.
That’s a good feeling, really. Because I know I do have a choice and the idea that even with having lost a lot in a year, I feel better for it. Maybe that’s a gift of age. You don’t learn that everything gets easier, you just gain perspective and therefore don’t count on things getting easier. In fact, in all your aged wisdom, what you realize is shit just gets harder. More real.
Mathematically, statistically, that is a fact. Because the older we all get the more things happen to us. Diseases, death, divorces, disappointments… it all just keeps happening. (And I guess it all starts with ‘D’, just like doodie.) You learn not to count on the good stuff to make it all worth it. Not because you don’t want it, but just because you, hopefully, start to realize you are not due for it. Because that would be fair, and fair is almost meaningless among the burdens of adulthood.
My birthday is just under a week away, and even though I have no idea what to think of this last year, being another year older does allow for one thing: I don’t have to know what to think. Because there are few things we really have to know overall, as it turns out. One, don’t be a jerk, and two, it will keep changing. That is life, because as much free will as you have, you’re still simply participating in something temporary. Something unknown.
I feel like its best, not to mention the least I can do, to not put limitations on that. There is only possibility as far as I know. It will keep changing, so I will keep showing up. And I won’t be a jerk. Good enough.