I was leaving the post office the other day and as I walked out the double door I glanced behind me–LIKE PEOPLE DO–and saw two teenaged boys heading toward the doors behind me. So I waited the half-second it took for them to get to the door and held it for them. LIKE PEOPLE DO.
Now. Usually when we do this, the person behind you, unless they are very old, feeble, have other challenges preventing them from getting the door… gets the door. You say thanks, hopefully, and you get the door, and the decent human ahead of you who held it continues walking. Right? I don’t even need an answer. That’s rhetorical.
So these kids, instead of getting the door, don’t even reach for the door. Don’t even try to hold it. So I think okay, well this is happening. But then, the kids go to walk AROUND ME. As in, thanks for holding the door let me pass by you and just pretend like I opened that door with my amazing teenage powers.
I was already rolling my eyes. I couldn’t stop it. I was already at “REALLY?” without trying. But I catch myself making the decision to say something. This is a bonus of age! You get to SEE yourself making the choice to say something and decide whether you should say it. And I did say it. “Uh, guys, no. You get the door, you don’t pass the woman who held it and keep walking.”
I wasn’t some angry insane woman. I wasn’t the road rage version of myself. I was the I-can’t-not-say-something-but-I-won’t-be-crazy version. Mostly acceptable. I think. And one kid said “Uhhh, oh.” The other kid hit is friend on the shoulder. And at least they both stopped trying to hurry around me as I headed to my car.
Walking to my car I thought to myself “So. I guess this is who I am now.” I am this adult person who sometimes just can’t take perceived rudeness around her and might say something. Well.
I’m not willing to debate if this is good or bad. I don’t even care. Its just one of those times when you catch yourself seeing yourself. Actually observing who you are and what stage you’re in, and in spite of all the stuff your psyche will tell you about being older, or being like your parents, or what you must look like, its fine. You find yourself okay with it.