Two Brains

by LesleyG on November 5, 2013

There are some people that are rarely impacted by the passing of time. I mean, in the way that you might say wow, where did that month go? I am sure there are those people. I don’t think I know any of them, but still, they are around. They look at their calendar a week before the new month and plan out goals and then get them all done. Or they go through each season with ease, as if there is nothing sad about leaves falling off trees. I know you people exist. I also know I’m not one of you.

I look at my calendar five days into the new month and hope I didn’t miss anything I was supposed to do on the First. I don’t miss appointments, I’m never late, so I think this must be another part of the brain working here. There is one part of the brain that gets to meetings on time, and there is another part that gets to life on time.

My Gets To Life On Time brain is weak.

I don’t feel pushed through time so much as… sucked.

It is hard not to feel that way for many of us, as if we’re not voluntarily participating in time but rather trying to keep up, and for a long while I thought this was wrong. I thought I had to change something I was doing in order to make an impact, because last time I checked it was 1996 and I had all kinds of time. Make an impact on what, I don’t know. But what I do know is that constantly trying to keep up, or really to feel like I’m keeping up, leaves almost no time or energy to actually do anything, except think about how its not 1996.
Slowly I am working on letting go of that need to feel like I’m keeping up. Slowly I am realizing that life is short and its a lot shorter if you spend too much time talking about how short it is. I am letting myself feel okay about my Gets To Meetings On Time brain, and not worrying about my Gets To Life On Time brain, and with practicing this I’m realizing that getting to life on time is already done.

If I just keep showing up, even when feeling sucked through time, life is there waiting. And much of the time all that means is that yes, I am the kind of person that needs to stop and think about leaves falling off trees.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

barbara November 7, 2013 at 10:14 am

You have a way of perceiving things and then phrasing them that makes so much sense. Sucked through time is exactly right.

Mel Heth November 11, 2013 at 10:07 am

“Sucked” is the perfect word to use. I’m picturing myself being pulled belly-first through some sort of portal, with my arms and legs waving wildly behind me.

I think there’s a strange sort of peaks and valleys thing that happens, where if we try we can slow time down in little moments and be fully present there for what sometimes seems like a long time – before getting sucked back onto the hamster wheel. I remember being really aware of this before and during our wedding. You’re right that it’s about showing up. Showing up and being fully there – wherever there is – even if it’s sitting in our backyards staring at the sky before we get to that next appointment on time.

The Exception January 1, 2014 at 4:45 pm

November was like that – like I was living in October and being sucked directly into mid-November then suddenly it was December and now a new year has started. It is a period of reminding myself just to stop and breathe and recognize where I am each day so I don’t feel like I am continually trying to catch up.

megabrooke November 12, 2014 at 7:22 pm

First of all, hello old friend! I am slowly making a comeback to blogging and I’m reminded of how much I always so loved your writing.
I hear you on this one… days, weeks, months, they seem to fly by so often and though I always have good intentions of soaking it in, living the moment, it doesn’t always happen so easily that way. I think just being aware of it and also, like you said, just living life, that’s where the sweet spot is found.
So glad to read your words again :)

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