There are some people that are rarely impacted by the passing of time. I mean, in the way that you might say wow, where did that month go? I am sure there are those people. I don’t think I know any of them, but still, they are around. They look at their calendar a week before the new month and plan out goals and then get them all done. Or they go through each season with ease, as if there is nothing sad about leaves falling off trees. I know you people exist. I also know I’m not one of you.
I look at my calendar five days into the new month and hope I didn’t miss anything I was supposed to do on the First. I don’t miss appointments, I’m never late, so I think this must be another part of the brain working here. There is one part of the brain that gets to meetings on time, and there is another part that gets to life on time.
My Gets To Life On Time brain is weak.
I don’t feel pushed through time so much as… sucked.
It is hard not to feel that way for many of us, as if we’re not voluntarily participating in time but rather trying to keep up, and for a long while I thought this was wrong. I thought I had to change something I was doing in order to make an impact, because last time I checked it was 1996 and I had all kinds of time. Make an impact on what, I don’t know. But what I do know is that constantly trying to keep up, or really to feel like I’m keeping up, leaves almost no time or energy to actually do anything, except think about how its not 1996.
Slowly I am working on letting go of that need to feel like I’m keeping up. Slowly I am realizing that life is short and its a lot shorter if you spend too much time talking about how short it is. I am letting myself feel okay about my Gets To Meetings On Time brain, and not worrying about my Gets To Life On Time brain, and with practicing this I’m realizing that getting to life on time is already done.
If I just keep showing up, even when feeling sucked through time, life is there waiting. And much of the time all that means is that yes, I am the kind of person that needs to stop and think about leaves falling off trees.