Earlier today I left a comment on someone’s blog and ended it with “Love from Colorado.”  This is something I do often, and I think I picked it up from a friend of mine that lives in Canada and always says “Love from The North.” It’s cute, yes, and when my friend says it you truly believe he means it. That’s probably one of the reasons I use it, because I hope it really is believable. I hope you can tell I really mean it.

My comment earlier, though, caused another commenter to track me down and accuse me of “throwing around the word love.” Because apparently that isn’t a wise thing to do.  This other commenter believes, I guess, because I don’t actually love this person, it’s wrong to use the word love. That’s how they see it.

But, that is not at all how I see the word love, much less the actual loving of someone, or sending of love, or professing, or offering, or anything else regarding love. My mind doesn’t work that way. In fact, I don’t really think I say it enough, especially to the people in my life.

If you’re a friend that I see, I communicate with, I share things with, I pretty much love you. I love my family. I love my neighbors. I love the guy that drove me to the airport in Houston last week because, man, that dude just doesn’t have a bad day. And if you’re here and a blogger like me, you’re damn right I will send you love.

For whatever reasons, and I’m sure there are a lot, people are a little afraid of throwing it around. I know we’ve had heart break and been burned and embarrassed but I tell you the fear of all of those things doesn’t amount to anything when you just let yourself feel it. Daily, in every relationship, interaction, and conversation you have, just let it in— and let it out. It is not a bad thing. It is scary, it’s intimidating, and yes, even sometimes it might seem stupid. But it’s never wrong, and the more you let yourself love and do things with love, the more you’ll find yourself letting go of anything scary about it.

Loving people, yourself, sending love… it’s not a mistake, people. It’s okay. It’s part of who we are and how we’re made.

Love from Colorado!

I thought I’d get over all the mushy feelings but then I read the comments and here I am again. Aww, Internet love. Thanks, everyone!  Never having been one to concentrate on getting people to this site (I’m not a sales person I guess) I found it so interesting reading how you got here, and if you even remembered… which helped me remember how I found some of you! And you’re right, it’s really hard to remember after a while. It’s like we’re all in a web and the paths back and fourth from blog to blog have overlapped so much you can’t see the original… wait, did I just say “we’re all in a web?”  OMG. I’ll shut up now.

So, I still have not thought of anything proper to do for my “anniversary” here but I’m getting there. I’m thinking gift package, but it’s got to be good so it’ll be a while.

On to the questions…

Barb asked: What would your superhero name be and what power would you have?

Barb always comes up with good ones. I think if I could have a superpower right now, today, it would be to only need selective sleep. I know, it’s boring, but to think that I could just sleep when I wanted to rather than when I had to would be great right now. Is that even a super power? And what kind of name would go with something like that?  Wow, I am so not good at this game.

Craig asked : When did writing become important to you and who was your biggest influence?

The true answer to this question, I suspect, is one most bloggers would say: I have always written.  I have stacks of notebooks and journals, some barely written in and others quite full, of things I just needed to say at the time. I’ve written through all the phases in my life, through happiness and sadness and everything in between.

I’d have to say I draw influence from a lot of different places. With this blog, I feel very lucky that the people I’ve found have been very diverse in age group, background, and life experience and I appreciate so much getting to draw from all of that. It’s a pretty incredible gift to me to be able to see the writing of grandparents, parents, people my age, and even those just beginning adulthood converge in such a small corner of the Internet. It reminds me that we’re more the same than we’re different.

Okay, I think I’m no longer answering that question…

The Exception asked: so what adventures and creativity do you have planned next?

This is tricky for me. What adventures and creativity do I have planned in my head? Or what adventures and creativity is reality going to allow?  I wrestle with this daily, and I know the unknown and my discomfort with it is not something that’s going to go away. So! I’ll just answer it the only way I know how, and that’s a feeling. I feel like in the coming months I’ll both find a way to expand my horizons more, and in different ways, and at the same time settle in here at home in a way I haven’t before.

Does that make any sense?  As for actual plans?  Well, I get to go to the Caribbean for another couple weeks— under the guise of “helping” no less— and that’s the only thing that’s actually on the books. Otherwise, I love and am counting on the fact that anything could change at any time. Except that Caribbean part. That can stay.

Sailing somewhere off St. John, U.S.V.I. 2007

Mike asked: What kind of photo printer do you have (assuming you have one).

Hi, Mike! Mike is new, everyone. I’ll just apologize for myself now.  And, on to your question— I don’t have a photo printer. Here’s why: First, I only print about 5% (if that) of the photos I take, and it makes me feel better to leave that to professionals.  Second, if I could have the printer I really wanted, well, it would cost a lot of money and seeing as I cannot stop going to the tropics this winter, apparently I have other priorities. But! If I were recommending one, both Canon and HP have some very high-quality yet affordable in-home print set ups.

Mel Heth asked: what’s the best run you’ve ever been on?

Oh, man, that’s a hard one. I have run in some great places, that’s for sure. I guess what I always come back to when thinking of what makes a run great is the feeling. There was one early morning run here at home a few years ago wherein I just felt awesome. It was at the Garden of the Gods and I ran with a group starting at about 6:00 in the morning. The hills there are brutal, and we ran about 11 miles total, which meant snaking through the entire park, up and down, for a couple hours. I was sweating and tired but at the same time felt unstoppable.  Any run where it’s warm weather (running in the cold is NOT for me) and I can sweat and feel the sun and yet still feel strong is special to me.  And, well, good scenery doesn’t hurt, either.

Garden of the Gods, 2007

Finally, Jacinta asks me to: Share a secret wish you might like to send out to the universe.

Oh, boy… is that the kind of question that baits me. Or tempts fate. Or something. But I guess that’s what they’re meant for, isn’t it?

Throughout the last few months, I’ve had a lot of time to think. Good or bad, a lot of that thinking has brought me back to myself. What should I be doing? What am I good at? Where can I be used?  The answer I’ve come back to over and over again is that I’m good at being there for other people. Not so much taking care of people, although that’s part of it, but helping. Whether it be advocating, listening, or just plain helping, that’s what I’m good at. I’ve started and completed some pretty in-depth volunteer training in the last couple months (which I’ll talk about more in another post) and that’s helped me confirm that not only do I like doing things that help other people, I am good at it.

So I guess the secret I’d like the Universe to take hold of is not so much a secret as a request to be shown how to do these things better, and how to simultaneously have the means to live come along with it.

In the meantime, I’m all for throwing things out there. And praying. And planning. And finger-crossing. I practice all varieties of hope, that’s for sure.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, everyone!  I don’t take lightly the little community I have around me here. I never, ever do. I think if you do something in your life that’s public, no matter what that thing is, no matter if your audience is ten or a million, you have an obligation to be grateful and to make at least part of the work about that audience. I always remember that, and I am very, very grateful.

And you’re right, LiLu, Phoenix from the ashes. In more ways than one.

In my last post, oh, almost two weeks ago, I said I’d like to do something special for the four year anniversary of starting this site, like maybe a new design (viola!), or some kind of giveaway. Fun ideas. And then, as a surprise to everyone, I made it disappear!

Not that that was part of the plan, it wasn’t, but we’re all back now and better than ever and in large part that is thanks to LiLu who had no idea that when I said “Hey, maybe you could help me with a new header when you have time” it really meant “The Internet is going to blow up on us. Repeatedly!” But we recovered, she worked her ever-growing nerd magic (quite beautifully), moved my blog across the country (no, really), upgraded a seriously ancient version of Wordpress, and here we are today, with some new pretty design and a header that is not only different, but randomly rotates through a few photos every time the page loads. Woohoo.

I also have to say, I’m a little overwhelmed with all of the emails and tweets I got asking where the blog was. Really, I had no idea so many people would be concerned– it was really touching. I’m not a person that looks at statistics—I remember to do it about twice a year— so I’m really thankful for the reminder of all the people I get to communicate with through this site. I missed you, too! Gag. But! Internet, I still love you a lot!

And I really had no idea how many of you visit here every week. It makes me nervous what you could be thinking about, what you know about me, where you are, where you’re from… there are just so many questions. You have them, I have them, so while I think of a real way to “celebrate” the rebirth of this blog, let’s have a Q & A.  Ask me anything! I’ll answer as best I can!

But one more thing: I get to ask you something, too. I found some of you just this month, and others years ago. Some I remember very clearly, I remember you before you were out of college, before you were married, before you had children. I remember you when you started running, when you survived cancer, when your sweet dog died, and your reaction to the Super Bowl. I remember you four boyfriends, three states, and two jobs ago. I’m sure some of you remember me that way, too.

In the comments, if you’d indulge me for just a second, can you tell me how you got here? If you remember how you found this site, I’m curious.

Then, ask me anything!

Last month marked my fourth anniversary for this site, and I would have celebrated somehow but I was busy traveling between some of the most extreme conditions imagineable throughout the month of January.

For instance, Iowa:

In Iowa I helped on the farm. You know, with the hay and the animals:

It was so cold and snowy. Also? It was so cold.

And by “helped on the farm” I mean was driven around in a warm car and looked at pretty farm scenes with animals. And then we went to lunch.

Later in the month, I got to warm up a little, as I’m sure you might remember. There was no farm, and no animals.

Well, that’s not entirely true. There are some animals.

And they, if possible, moved slower than me.

So what I’m really saying is that January went really fast, and, well, February is, too and if I don’t hurry up and find something to do to celebrate that four years we’ll be at five years.

Which is where I must ask you, Internet, what should I do to celebrate? Write a revealing post?  Give something away? Redesign the blog a little? (This may just be already in progress.) Maybe go for a midnight run and take pictures? I don’t know, help me!

I’m being simple-minded here, I’m sure. I know. It’s just that I’ve had this cold and you would not believe the amount of…. nevermind,  it wasn’t okay to share more than that four years ago and it’s still not okay now. But my head is clouded, and I need help.

Now here’s a pretty beach:

Thank you, and The End.

I am simply amazed with people, once again.  Between Internet community and the people in my life I am just overcome with how much good there is in this world.  The past 24 hours has been a whirlwind of airline travel, airports (do other people call it “Scareport” or is that just me?), happenchance meetings, showing up as a surprise guest in a land far away, and, well, lots of good food and drink, I just cannot help but feel exceptionally blessed.  Which is such a difficult yet fortunate feeling to have right now, in a time when my heart is hurting so badly for situations that render most of us helpless, save for our generosity.

Just one example of that is my last post. As of that post —along with all those other wonderful bloggers— two days ago, thousands of dollars have been raised for the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation in the name of Brandy and her guy.

Check it out: http://www.loveharder.org/

I know there are so, so many ways this world is weighing on our hearts right now, and so many people that need help, so thank you so much to anyone who was able to give, participate, or send up a prayer. I don’t know if you’re the praying type, but I am, and that has been a lot of what’s keeping me busy these days. It really and truly means a lot. Thank you, each and every one of you who took time out of their day to read those posts, watch that video.

A lot of times, we find ourselves too busy to be people that look for causes. That is common. I understand. But sometimes, you guys, causes find us, and I think there’s a reason for that. I really, really do.

My uncle Joe used to use a phrase all the time that I just hated. I didn’t understand it, it sounded weird. My naive, childish self didn’t like it.  “My heart swells,” he’d say, in reaction to something beautiful or amazing.  I didn’t make sense to me then, and while my uncle Joe is still pretty weird (hi, Uncle Joe!), it makes complete sense to me now.

And every time I go back and watch that video, I’m reminded of what the power of a few people that care can really do in this world. My heart swells.

I watch it and I think of how uncomfortable I am on camera, how my voice combined with my mannerisms ON CAMERA is in the Top Five Things I Do Not Like About Life, but nonetheless, it was so worth it.  And, as you might have noticed if you watched, I appeared with my three-year-old nephew, Ivan, so as to distract most viewers with an adorable kid. I think it worked, mostly.

This wasn’t without it’s bribery and multiple takes, however. Come on, he’s three. Singing a song he’s never heard before, with me, on camera, on cue…. well, let’s just say it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t easy for either of us, actually.

Here’s an outtake from the SEVERAL takes we had.  I call this:

I Don’t Sing No Friggin’ Love Songs

(Also, I apparently still have not learned how to take a cue.  Forgive how absolutely stupid I can look, and without even trying.)

Ivan and Me singing, 2 from Lesley G on Vimeo.

Oh, so dumb.  But still, my heart swells.

You might remember a few weeks ago when I posted this from one of my very best blog friends, Brandy.  That day, along with many, many other bloggers, the Internet was touched with a story that is moving, incredible, and all too common. I have no doubt everyone who participated in this felt they wanted to be able to do more for Brandy and her guy.

Not a week later, an email conversation started between so many bloggers I could hardly keep track. Oh, people wanted to do more alright. A LOT more.  There is a blogging army out there, that’s for sure.

I know now that if you have a blog, and if you’re part of a community that you’ve joined or made, even just a little part like me, you can do amazing things.  You’re not just strong, you’re Internet strong.

________________________

The result: Brandy and your Hot Awesome Dude… this one’s for you.

Love, The Internet.

(Video compiled and edited by the Ah-MAZING LiLu at LivItLuvIt.com)

Our Plea

Our friend Brandy is a brilliant writer, a wonderful teacher, and a generous friend.  And she is in love with a man who has just been diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

We are raising money for the Multiple Myeloma Research Fund in his name.  For the price of a cinnamon dolce latte, half-caf, hold the whip, you can be part of an effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide.

http://www.loveharder.org

Every dollar brings us a dollar closer to a cure.  And every donation brings a sliver of hope to a girl who needs all the hope she can get.

What You Can Do

• Give. Be part of a worldwide effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide.  Every dollar helps.
• Pass it on. Forward this story to five people.  Share this blog post.  Become our fan on Facebook.
• Love harder. Life is short, love is unbending, and no one knows what could happen next. Tell someone you love them today.

Where Your Money Goes

• The American Institute of Philanthropy recently named The Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation one of the best organizations to give to in terms of their accountability and use of resources.
• By working closely with researchers, clinicians and partners in the biotech and pharmaceutical industry, the MMRF has helped bring multiple myeloma patients four new treatments that are extending lives around the globe.
• The MMRF has advanced twenty Phase I and Phase II clinical trials. They need your support to advance these clinical research programs and accelerate the development of better, more effective treatments.
• The MMRF’s Multiple Myeloma Genomics Initiative recently became the first to sequence the multiple myeloma whole genome in its entirety.
• A whopping 98% of your donation to the MMRF will be used immediately to support high-priority multiple myeloma research.
• With diminishing funding for early stage drug development and the next myeloma treatments not expected to be approved until 2011, the MMRF desperately needs your help.

DONATE: http://www.loveharder.org
CONTACT: theloveharderfund@gmail.com
FACEBOOK: http://facebook.loveharder.org
MORE INFO: http://www.themmrf.org

One of my goals for 2010 is to learn more about photography, and this includes learning more about the cameras and lenses I own.  Even several years after taking up this extremely cheap (heh) habit in a pretty serious way, the ways I have still to grow outnumber what I know by about a billion to one.

One of the ways I’m tackling this already is by taking photos every day.  This is not a unique thing, of course, there are 365 photo streams and projects all over the Internet. But what I’m hopeful it’ll  help me do is think about taking photos a lot more. Reinforcement is what my brain needs to learn something, and I’m hoping to do better.  The first month or so I’m probably just going to concentrate on taking the actual photos, and paying attention to my day, but after that I may actually start experimenting with aperture, shutter speed, f-stop, and many other things that I either don’t know the definition of or just stated redundantly without realizing it.  Sounds fun, right?

It’s only been a couple weeks, and I already find myself paying attention more. I love that. I usually consider myself a pretty observant person, but to see something and then record it as part of your life? That’s pretty cool.

If you’d like, you can follow along with my Daily Photos at: http://justrunjustlivejustbe.com/365/ and there’s a link right to it on the sidebar.  One of my other goals with this is to try to be honest with my day, but at the same time I will try not to be too boring.

Sometimes I might even succeed in that. Sometimes I might not.

I would love to say more but I have to run out to my exciting morning of courtroom observations now, and I don’t think you’re allowed to wear fuzzy slippers and a hoodie to court.  Well, at least most people shouldn’t.

Thanks for following along!

So I am never, ever on top of the latest goings on Internet-wise, which is totally why I missed de-lurking day yesterday, but in the last week the Internet, Social Networking, and Blogging/Bloggers have AMAZED me in more ways than one, for more causes than one. The time, energy, and spirit people will put into doing something good is nothing short of brilliant.

It’s for that reason that I can’t help but wonder who else is out there that I don’t know.Who else is contributing in ways I may never otherwise see?

Last night I met a friend for happy hour, something that has rarely happened since I left my office job. It occured to me about one margarita in that the place was packed and that we should try to collect money to donate to relief efforts in Haiti. So, I went around with a bucket and asked people for donations, threatening to sing “Pants on the Ground” if people didn’t give. It worked beautifully, and I ended up with $240 in my bucket in about 30 minutes.  Who knew I could be so forward? I mean, besides everyone.

So today I’m asking for two things if you visit this website: 1) Delurk! Come on, please?  And 2) Tell me which cause you think my $240 bar collection should go to for Haitian relief efforts.

That is all.  Thank you. THANK YOU!

There are people who have not been watching the news. I know, I couldn’t believe it either. But I met them in a grocery store check out line last night, and they hadn’t heard anything about the earthquake in Haiti. I have no doubt that everyone here on the Internet has, however, and so many of you are like me. It seems very pointless to talk about other things, or to call attention to other things when so many people are incredibly desperate for help.

For reputable organizations to donate, you can visit Charity Navigator. And, of course, The Red Cross has already collected over $3 million in donations through text messages.  Just send the word “Haiti” to 90999 and $10 will go to The Red Cross rescue and relief efforts in Haiti (and be simply billed on your phone bill).

I texted last night—apparently three texts is the limit—because I know where my family is right now, I am safe, and I had dinner. So many people have none of that right now.

I’ve gotten a few emails over the last couple weeks regarding me, my life since I quit my job, running, and my dizzyness/headache issue. It always amazes me what people remember, and all the people that care. It is a very encouraging, reassuring thing when you realize people think about you.

First, my head: it is good. I followed up with a physician friend of mine a couple weeks ago, and things are essentially normal. I stopped getting the dizzyness and “fuzzy” feeling a couple weeks before Christmas and so far it hasn’t returned. I feel very fortunate in that it was likely an isolated, superficial thing and that I have good friends to be concerned about me when I need it.

As for every other question regarding my life, well your guess is as good as mine.

After a lot of thought and nearly a week into 2010, I sort of decided I need some goals. Resolutions, as cliche as they are, are also very motivating. It’s a fact.

If you’re reading this you’re reading the words of a person who uprooted her life at the end of 2009 and so, goals or resolutions or life changes are imminent for me. I’m not so much as planning life changes at this point as I’m signed up and in line, for better or worse. And honestly, without some goals to keep in mind for this year, I might just go into full-on panic mode more regularly than I already do. Oh these risks, they do not come without a whole mess of crap you don’t imagine at the start. Yes, mess of crap.

I think if there’s any way I’m going to make it through the next year of unknowns, I’m going to have to remember a few things. Or, rather, I’m going to have to be certain about a few things. There is a difference between just thinking based on what you believe and actually acting on it. I try to do this now, but I can do better.

1. Everything I do will come from a place of love. And people will know it.

I know this seems sort of silly, but as far back as I can remember, the thing that most helps me make a decision is to act through love. Not pride, not desperation, and not pressure. Love. My actions and reactions say this, and I need to say it, too. The people in my life deserve that, as do I.

2. It is okay to not want to do something.

Whether it’s a perfectly clean house or work or helping someone out, it’s okay to say no, and it’s always okay to do it on my own terms, guilt free.  Guilt. Free.

3. On the same hand, I want to try for something every day. Every day can be progress.

I need the reminder that some discouraging news or a change of plans isn’t a setback, just a different direction.

4. Continue to grow physically.

I am still a runner, I always want to be a runner. I love running simply to run, and though I love my share of races, there isn’t one that’s topped a cool summertime trail run with some good friends. I want to love it like that again, and I want to commit to letting running be something that’s in me rather than something I’m chasing after.

I want to continue to grow in yoga. Over the past 6 months, yoga has saved me from being discouraged, lazy, and depressed. It has done things for my body I could not have imagined, and even more for my mind. It is expensive, and I’m unemployed, but I have to believe that it is the right thing to keep pursuing it. I hope I can.

5. I will work on photography more, and I will use it. Period.

I work on photos so often, in all stages, but I feel like the ways I can grow with photography right now are limitless. I may not have all the equipment and software available, but I have a lot, I have enough, and I can use it.

I’m actually working on something new right now, which I’ll talk about soon. Stay tuned!

It’s almost a week into 2010. I sure hope in 51 more weeks I can say I did it right.